my marriage counselor

So I have been learning a bit more about relationships.  Did you know that men (and boys) have a great need for our approval and appreciation as women.  Our incredible power is best used in a positive way. We have the ability to see well the whole picture - right and wrong, long term effects, where habits may lead, what needs to happen when.  All good things to see and understand.  If we see these things and then nag about them, we risk turning out loved ones away.  If we always point out the need for improvement or the areas our men are falling short we limit their ability to succeed.  If we take time to point out the good, the successes, the amazing ideas, desires, and efforts then we actually enable them to be better.

Yes they are still human and may really bug us at times.  I tried a little experiment.  My husband and I both received the assignment to send out a letter requesting nice letters from others.  It was an awkward and hard thing to do but so rewarding. I did it. I received beautiful letters that touched my heart.  I shared my success.  Mr. O. did not send out the letter, did not write me a letter and got very defensive if I suggested he should complete the assignment.  I was frustrated because I wanted him to have this great experience.  He declared that he had absolutely no time to do this assignment that would take 5-10 minutes. I felt pretty sure that there are some other issues that are leading up to his putting this off.  It all left me a little sad.  My reminding did not motivate him in the least.

I decided to focus on the good things he was doing.  I still felt frustration so I took it to my Heavenly Father.  I explained to him that Mr. O. really needed to learn some time management skills.  That he has time and just needs to make time for those things that are important and right.  I also realized that I get frustrated with myself for this very thing of not using my time well.

This morning Mr. O had to be on a conference call for a new position he has taken on.  He had the phone on speaker so I was able to listen also.  My prayers are not always answered this quickly but this morning the speaker training Mr. O and his group spent quite a bit of time explaining that having enough time is a matter of attitude.  That there is plenty of time and to not make excuses.  This all addressed the particular concern I had prayed about and it came from an authority that Mr. O honors and appreciates.  Wow.  I feel so grateful and loved.  I will keep loving Mr. O, sharing the good I see in him and taking my concerns to my Heavenly Father who knows best how to teach and guide each of us. I like having a divine marriage counselor who has all the right answers if I will but listen.

Grateful:
- God watches over me, hears and answers my prayers
- provides learning opportunities for my loved ones that teach me too.
- 75 degree weather and green grass
- rain storms and snow
- grateful children

amazing letters

I have had the opportunity to be in a Go Vertical Group Mentoring class with 3 Key Elements for the last several months.  Once again it has been a growing and rewarding experience.  One of our last assignments was to ask people to write to us and tell us what they like about us.  This is the letter I sent out.

Dear loved one,

I am writing to ask a rather awkward request of you.  I am striving to improve myself by fighting the negative voices that come at me in my head.  At times those voices are really loud.  I have found that they also are not true.  In an effort to see the positive and to grow in confidence I am creating a book that I can turn to daily to remind myself of the simple truths of who I am and what I can become. Without direction and vision I don't get very far.

I am asking you to write me a letter (email), even just a paragraph of the good you see in me or maybe an experience where I was helpful to you or made you feel good. Anything positive or amazing that you can share would be greatly appreciated.  I will print the notes I receive and keep them in my book so that I can read from them each day and create a positive story of my life and grow in value creating an energy rich life.  My goal is to love freely and confidently, to seek, honor, and encourage the good in others.  I am finding that it works best when I begin with my self.  The more I win against the negative thoughts the more good I see in others.  Thanks you for your help, love, and great examples of people I admire and hope to be like.

All is grace.

With love, 

Becky

PS my goal is for 20 letters.  Thanks again.

It was an act of courage to send out this letter. I remember closing my mind and just pushing send, knowing that I couldn't take it back.  I only sent it out to a few people the first time and then I tried to think of a few more people and I sent it out again. I thought that was the hard part.

Imagine my surprise when people started sending letters back and the roller coaster of emotion and tears that came as I realized how amazing my friends and family are and the good they see in me. They see so much more than I ever see or admit.  My desire to truly be those qualities increased exponentially as did my love for them.  My goal to love freely and confidently, to seek, honor, and encourage the good in others became so much easier.  As I read each sweet letter I was filled with love and appreciation for each person,  I had an immediate desire to share with them a few of the great things I see in them.  I also had to fight again the doubts that would try to discount their words to me.  I have a great deal to learn and become but I am progressing and I do have value - right where I am. I have a renewed hope in the world and my ability to be an influence for good.

This has been such a powerful experience. My mentor said that rather than gifts for his birthday he asks for a letter.  It is so much more powerful and lasting and treasured.  I am so grateful for each letter and for the good I see in the world.  I don't know if I would dare ask for letters again like this.  It almost felt selfish but I know that as I have received and sent letters it has been such a tremendous honor.  I certainly would not mind writing letters when people ask and even when they don't and I would definitely welcome them any time.  I will save them and refer to them and build an energy rich life. I hope that the good words I share with others will be accepted and believed.  I want to have that same sweeping emotion of love and amazement and joy.

Storms

Alma 26 teaches of Ammon's glories in the Lord.

 2 And now, I ask, what great blessings has he bestowed upon us? Can ye tell?

Do I stop and ask along my journey? or after a particular challenge in my calling? or as I am mothering, what has worked well here and how have I seen the Lord's hand?  His experience is different from mine but I  think ideally his answer is the one I want.

3 . . .And this is the blessing which hath been bestowed upon us, that we have been made instruments in the hands of God to bring about this great work.

He goes on to share the analogy of the field being ready to harvest, the work of reaping, the long days of labor and the great number of sheaves and the gathering into garners. And the storms that will come.

6. . . but when the storm cometh they shall be gathered together in their place, that the storm cannot penetrate to them; yea, neither shall they be driven with fierce winds whithersoever the enemy listeth to carry them.
 7 But behold, they are in the hands of the Lord of the harvest, and they are his; and he will raise them up at the last day.

So this morning as I am fasting and praying for guidance with my callings as mother, wife, friend, and young women's leader I am feeling at times that there is so much to do.  We are laboring greatly in hopes of a fine harvest. The harvest I am hoping for is steadfast and immoveable  testimonies for all those I love.  I am working to strengthen my sons and daughters that they will come through the difficult challenges and temptations of our day with courage and power.

I am realizing that the pattern of leading and loving people needs to begin with me.  I am wondering what weapons of war I need to lay down (See Alma 23-25). My weapons that I hang onto are those of pride,  self preservation, fear, or doubt that I can do what is requiref of me, or procrastinating in following the promptings of the spirit. I want to recognize the Spirit more, trust God's plan for me and then have the courage and strength to work the plan, to nobly and boldly move forward when asked and be doing good even when I am not asked specifically. I want to submissively be gathered in to be part of the Lord's harvest.  I want to enjoy his protection through the storms and I want to be with them that will be raised at the last day.

 8 Blessed be the name of our God; let us sing to his praise, yea, let us give thanks to his holy name, for he doth work righteousness forever.

He is doing the works of righteousness. He is planting in our hearts the righteous desire that we may choose to act on. He is the one that will use me as his tool if I am choosing him.  If I am doing all I can to serve  him and to be clean, to be prepared by searching his word and being obedient then he can use me.  Actually I have found that I don't have to be doing it all all the time.  When I have a desire to serve those He loves then he uses me and I am given strength to do better at all those things that build me and that serve others.

 12 Yea, I know that I am nothing; as to my strength I am weak; therefore I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of my God, for in his strength I can do all things; yea, behold, many mighty miracles we have wrought in this land, for which we will praise his name forever.

I am craving his stength in my life.  I need his power. I desire his righteous influence and protection and love.  I pray that he will show me how to help inspire righteous choices in those around me. I want to be better at communication with my Lord, in asking for what is right, in acting on his will for me and my family. My patriarchal blessing says "The Lord needs you. The time is short. So much is to be done "  Maybe that is why I feel an urgency and need to do more now.  I want to claim the promised blessings of righteous living and I want to thrive in this time of harvest.