It will all work out

As I listened to the LDS General Women's conference and reviewed in my notes from other speakers I feel so comforted. So a while ago I heard Sister Tammy Runia speak.

• This shall give they experience. A chance to test that which we have been taught
• You can't always get what you want but sometimes you get what you need
• Not understanding is not the same as not believing. Use your eye of faith and trust Him.
• Say "no" to discouragement. Say "yes" to growing.

And then tonight I heard from Bonnie Cordon

• In all they ways acknowledge him!
• Trust him
• Lean not unto thy own understanding
• It's not about me.  Look for opportunities to serve

and Carol McConkie

• When we choose that good part it will not be taken from us.

and Linda Burton

• Be one of those Certain Women that were disciples of Christ
• be willing to sacrifice and count the blessings while you are sacrificing

and finally President Henry B. Eyring

• Ether 12:27 27 And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.
• Becoming aware of weakness is a blessing that allows me to grow and turns me to my Savior
• My Father in Heaven is more concerned with upward progress than comfort.
• He also spoke of how the Holy Ghost helps us see the greatness in others.  I believe he helps us see that we also have value and even greatness.

As I shared my recent experiences with emotions, mental confusion and doubts I am comforted because I can see the same pattern spoken of here.  I was given experiences that were hard, that invited me to turn to Christ.  I can trust him.  I don't have to understand all of it to be able to gain growth and peace from it or even during the difficult times when my weaknesses are shining brightly. I will choose that good part!  I will rejoice in it.  I will take comfort that as I choose Christ, that good part will not be taken from me but will bless and strengthen me.  I truly can do all things through Christ Jesus who strengthens me. And he sends angels to strengthen me.

The sun is coming out

I was in a very poor place.  I have been tired (naps at least twice a day) and craving junk but feeling guilty.  I have been gaining weight. I have been sad, angry, disappointed and quick tempered. I felt like I was drowning.  I wanted to stay in my room, watch movies.  Reading was challenging and I felt left out of scripture study because I just couldn't concentrate and didn't feel like I was connecting with the spirit.  Thankfully I have a loving Heavenly Father watching out for me.  My husband was out of town when a dear friend took time to just visit with me. (Thanks, Shelly)  It was nice.  It was the next day when another friend started chatting with me on facebook.  She sold me some vitamins a while ago that help with getting good nutrients to the brain.  I had taken some for a while but didn't see any change so I had backed off quite a bit.  She had me put some in yogurt and take them right away.  That let them get into my system quickly.  Within half an hour the tears that came so easily had stopped.  That evening I went to the Relief Society birthday party that I had been dreading and I smiled.  I smiled.  I liked smiling.  I even liked people and I have wanted to avoid all people lately, even my own family. As I felt better everyone else seemed better to me.  I wanted them to be happy. I saw good in them.  It was nice.

I don't know if I had depression. I don't know a lot about those issues.  I do know that I was sinking and wanting to do less and less with life.  It is a crazy feeling.  I feel so much better. I am taking my vitamins and have no desire to take less again.  I don't want to be dependent on vitamins to function well but the alternative of sinking is not what I want either. To think that giving my brain the nutrients it needs make so much of a difference in how I feel, how I function, and my outlook on life is amazing. I am still working my way back up. I took one nap today and I loved it.  It wasn't so much an escape as a reward as I rested with the window open and the fresh rain air.  My family has been so patient in this path to recovery for me. I am thankful for them.  I thought I was doing well and that this is as good as it gets - "the new normal" but I am so happy to find out that I can be happy again.  I am excited to see what the next couple of months may bring but I today feel an increase in light in my life and I feel certain that light and truth will accompany my well functioning mind.  I don't know if the accident affected my ability to think clearly or if it just helped me realize that I was not reaching my potential.  I do hope and pray that I am on the right path.  That as I learn to enjoy this life and existing and even thriving on this planet that I can embrace purpose and meaning. I want to be happy. I want to be a light and not a dark cloud. I want to be useful and cheerful and have the ability to see the good in all things. I want to fully trust my Savior. He understands and he is helping me.

I am realizing that if I hadn't gotten so low I would not have seen the difference. Without the lows, I wouldn't enjoy or even recognize the improvement.  I needed the opposition to better see the good that was mine for the taking (or receiving).  Really we are given everything and it is up to us to receive the good, the gifts, the love of our Father in Heaven. He even gave me some amazing lessons so that I could be even better and feel better again.

Grateful
 - Q Sciences is where to get information on the vitamins that have helped me.  If you want to know more, I can help.
 - patient people
 - the reminder that we all have hard things and I have people that were patient with me.
 - I have a desire to be more patient with others as they figure out where they are and what they need.

More Than Enough

I am feeling so very grateful for my mother and the mothers of my grandchildren and future grandchildren.  I feel confident in their ability to raise up this next generation. They are so capable of teaching them love and strength and goodness.  I sometimes compare but it is not a comparison or a competition.  I want them to be so much better than I am.  I did the best I could and now I have these daughters and daughters in law that are so much better. I celebrate the gifts and talents they bring to our family.  I learn from their fine examples and I glory in their love of God and of family.

dragging

I feel like I am dragging this week.  Granted, it has been a busy and full week.  We have had fun with grandkids, kids, busy schedules and some holiday celebrating.  My concern is that I am just kind of worn out.  Tired at the end of the day, yes. But I am also feeling like the actions and activities of the day are heavy.  I feel heavy. Hard to move, Hard to get excited. I feel like I am just plodding along doing what needs to be done but am missing the joy in the present moments.

I want to enjoy life. My life is good. In fact it is great.  Full of great people and opportunities and yet today I feel sad. I feel like being sad has not been a choice but a strong sensation.  I wish that a good cry could just clear the air but I'm not sure. Being sad makes me feel guilty like I am not being properly grateful.  Sometimes I wonder if there are some lingering affects from my brain injury.  I am tempted to say this is the new normal but I don't want to give up hope of a better mindset and more energy.  Though it is not often I still sometimes get dizzy or a little tipsy.  Other times I feel like though I can read I just can't reason the way I use to.  Sometimes I feel like I have no patience with others and become very judgemental. I remind myself that others feel these things but they don't seem to be my old normal and I will continue to hope for something better.

I take great comfort in the Hymns of Zion. I am taught by the words beautiful weaving together a new thought or understanding.  Then when I take time to look up the scripture references at the bottom of the page I am taught again and know that Heavenly Father is mindful of me.  It was the sacrament song today. It was beautiful and comforting but when I took the time to look up the scriptures and they taught me more about the lesson I was preparing for Sunday School I was again reminded that my Heavenly Father and my Savior love me and are helping me every step of the way. I know I am not alone and I know that as I endure and progress I can be stronger and more of what God needs me to be.

16

This fine young man turned 16 last week.  He went on his first date to Jr. prom, was ordained a priest by his father, is working towards his drivers' license that now depends on the teacher at school finally making time for him.  This Sunday he had been invited to bless the sacrament with his father.

Dad is speaking in a lot of other wards with his new calling so we had arranged for Dane to join in the blessing of the sacrament.  Isaac got there early, was helping prepare the table for the bread and water when another father and son who hadn't come last week showed up and took the place behind the sacrament table.  We had Dane there, Isaac had spent his morning preparing and finding courage for this special day.  Instead he just quietly let the others take over, never made anyone feel awkward and sat down with the rest of us.  As things were ready to start he reverently went and joined the deacons for the passing of the sacrament.  I was so proud of him and the humble way in which he handled his priesthood responsibilities.  After the block I found him holding a sacrament tray.  He had been asked to take the sacrament to the shut-ins, those who are not able to come to church but still desire to partake and renew their covenants.  He was willing to take his turn quietly with someone in their home.  He gets it.  Its not about him. It is about serving the Savior and the people Jesus loves.  He is a simple servant doing his part to build the kingdom and doing so willingly.  I sure love my 16 year old son.  He is an inspiration to me.

Razmatazz

Our favorite birthday cake

Razmatazz

(Kamille)

1pkg. Raspberry danish dessert, prepared as sauce on box.

Cool.

2 pkg. frozen raspberries with juice. Partially thawed.

1 pkg. cream cheese, room temperature

2c. powdered sugar

1 pint whipping cream, whipped

Make cake batter. Pour into large cookie sheet. Bake at 350 F. for 15 minutes. Beat cream cheese and sugar till creamy. Fold in whipped cream. Spread evenly over cooled cake. Gently fold raspberries into prepared raspberry sauce. Spread on top of cream cheese layer.