byu women's conference

I got to go to one of the 2 days of women's conference because a friend couldn't use both days.  She offered it to me and by some aligning of the planets, things worked out and i got to go.  Her family saved me a seat in the first session.  I was there alone.  For most women this is a very social event that they love to do with friends and family.

I have mixed emotions about being with a group.  It feels good to belong with someone but it is also very freeing to choose your own schedule and not have to coordinated anything.  It was a good day to be alone.  I enjoyed 2 of my classes, disappointed in one and just walked out of the overflow of another that had been a default choice to begin with.

It is such a great atmosphere filled with women wanting to fill their cups, experience learning and loving and be better prepared to meet the next day and each day there after.  It is also overcrowded and hard if you don't love lots of lines and waiting and overfull classes.

I am glad I went.  A unique experience I had was as I was walking to my car.  I headed over a long overpass for foot traffic.  Three women were also walking, one with a cane.  They were laughing and supporting each other.  The one said "I'm doing pretty well" and turned to me and said, "Don't you think?"

I was surprised. I admitted that I was not a very good judge of walking as I myself was a little wobbly after a long day.  I asked more.  One had had a hip replaced and the other a knee replacement.  The third was the patient one.  We laughed and I said well I had brain surgery.  It kind of quieted the conversation and they asked a little more of my situation.  I hope I wasn't trying to one-up them but to just share.

It keeps coming to my mind that we really don't know what others are thinking, feeling, conquering, submitting to, hoping for, dreaming of.  We just don't know what it takes to show up/or not show up.  We are just human, just moms...

But we do what we can and trust that others are too.  As Mothers Day approaches I see more and more people being sensitive to the harsh self judgments that so many women fall for.  Whether it is being a mom or not a mom, a good mom, a good person.  Often the old "Am I enough, will I ever be enough?" questions cloud our thinking.

For our Relief Society activity this month we watch the move Mom's Night Out.  Not to spoil it but the final message, that "a ha" moment was this very thing.  Recognize that we are created for a purpose, a rather simple purpose and the rest is just icing on the cake.  We can have joy therein.

Want to give a great gift, Love my mother. This matters to me as a mother and I love seeing my father love my mother.  It brings peace and purpose to me, to life.

To all women,

You are loved. You are beautiful. You are adding value to the world. You are enough. Keep growing. Keep shining. Keep loving. That is all you need to do.  That is where your power is. It might look different on each of us but we are all in this together. You are daughters of a king.  Heavenly Father loves you and Jesus Christ knows you are worth all that he did for us.

Love, 
Rebecca

I love this blog post about Mothers' in Zion.  It really is all about our choice to follow Christ and seek to be like Him.  Please take the time to read this article.

THIS IS WATER

THIS IS WATER By David Foster Wallace: In 2005, author David Foster Wallace was asked to give the commencement address to the 2005 graduating class of Kenyon College. However, the resulting speech didn't become widely known until 3 years later, after his tragic death. It is, without a doubt, some of the best life advice we've ever come across, and perhaps the most simple and elegant explanation of the real value of education.
We made this video, built around an abridged version of the original audio recording, with the hopes that the core message of the speech could reach a wider audience who might not have otherwise been interested. However, we encourage everyone to seek out the full speech (because, in this case, the book is definitely better than the movie).
-The Glossary

Sim just shared this video with me. (just click on the title to get to the video)  It was great and goes well with my desire to be more present.  When I choose to be present I can choose what to think.  I can choose how to feel.  I can be more aware of those around me and what they might be feeling or dealing with.  I can be more sensitive, helpful, or even simply have a better attitude and more patience realizing that I just do not know enough about what they are facing to make any assumptions.

I feel so much more aware of the many ways I avoid being present. This is just one more way I can choose because I am more aware that it is my choice.

Be there

Catching up with Ann on A Holy Experience.  I have missed her as I haven't read her blog for quite a while but felt to revisit recently. I love her perspective and gratitude.  She sometimes gets a bit wordy but other times I love the way she plays with wordsmithing an idea.  And, of course, I found more reasons and ways to be present.

Exodus

This seems oddly repetitive. If Moses comes up the mountain, wouldn’t he already be there?

Translators interpret the text as simply saying that Moses should “wait there.” One nineteenth century rabbi, however, spun a lovely sermon out of the Bible’s intriguing choice of words, pointing out that there is, in fact, such a thing as going to a place and not actually being there.

there is, in fact, such a thing as going to a place and not actually being there.

He commented, If a person exerts himself and ascends to the summit, it is possible to reach it, while not being there. He stands on the summit of the mountain, but his head is somewhere else.

It’s entirely possible for a person to expend a great deal of energy getting to a destination, yet arrive with their head and thoughts remaining at the original point of departure.

The rabbi imagined that God was telling Moses not only to ascend the mountain but to be there fully, with complete attention and concentration, leaving behind all of his extraneous thoughts.

On the momentous occasion of the giving of the covenant, God wanted Moses to be fully present, in body, mind, and spirit.

I find this very helpful advice for reading the Bible: As you read, do your best to be there.  Lois Tverberg

She also said:

In our cellphone-saturated world, some of us need to go into airplane mode and detox awhile so our heads quit buzzing, just so we can think straight.

I go regularly to "the mountain of the Lord", the Lord's holy temple.  There are times when I am present and beautiful thoughts open up to me and I am taught. There are also times when I just show up but am not as alert and attentive as I should be.  I do feel that just being there still blesses me but it is so much better when I make the effort to be there fully.

Present

Present.  That is my word for 2018.  I want to be present.  I have a habit of  trying to do more than one thing at once which leaves me never doing anything well.  I am on the computer now talking about being present and I am still watching for my phone to sign into another call I'm invited to. I find when I am listening to something I really want to learn from I am often distracted by little things like checking email, the weather, what the kids are doing, if the dog needs to go out.

I want to really enjoy the gifts of life and that requires being present.  I am seeing it in my family.  There is a need to be present with each other.  It is easy for me to be irritated with my husband while he checks Facebook at breakfast or lunch.  Or its my son texting during family meals. Then I realize that I, too, am guilty.

I see myself not always listen to my children or mostly concentrating on what I should say or guessing what they are going to say or what they 'really' mean.

Its a silly waste to not truly be there.  I want to be fully present in the situation that I am in.  I want to be fully authentic and I want to work towards being vulnerable.  To trust that there is time for those things that are most important. Everything will work out and it will work out better if I don't miss it because I was unable to just enjoy the moment.

I don't need to manage every moment and get the most productivity out of each situation because when I do that I miss the beauty, the essence of the truth of the moment or experience and especially of the relationship.

As a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints I was already recognizing an admonition from many of our apostles to put the devices down and have real conversations - face to face.  With the passing of our beloved prophet, Thomas S. Monson, I am able to see so many remembrances about him.  He was truly present and real.  Heidi Swinton, the author of his biography To the Rescue shared this insight.

I love that he took everybody into his inner circle and it didn’t matter if you were watching him on TV or sitting in his office, you felt that way.

She also tells how he was so good at connecting with the one.  The one person mattered. He knew it. They felt it.  He was present.  I want to be present. 

Petunias

I planted petunias this year.  I usually do snap dragons but I was feeling nostalgic.  I remember helping my parents plant petunias and marigolds, feeding them with miracle grow and enjoying the beauty that they provided.  So it was with those thoughts that I chose a nice mix of colors.  The marigolds didn't make it.  Something in my yard must eat them because I am never successful with the marigolds.

 But the petunias did just fine. In fact, they have been great. I was clipping off the expired stems so they would continue to bloom and look nice.  Every time I dead-head the petunias I find at least several plants that have come up to the surface.  The little root ball still in the form of a square from when I planted them is up and exposed to the heat and sun and dry desert air.

Some of those I find are staying rather small but a good number of them are still thriving. When I lift it up to dig and replant there is one or two little roots that have taken off into the soil and they are supporting the big, beautiful flower. I am amazed and impressed at the tenacity and strength that can come from the efforts of a little root stretching down, content to do all it can to help.

There are days when I am hanging on by just a little root. There are days when it is just that one thought, testimony, trusting word that keeps me going.  At a glance others will not even notice the effort it is taking to just keep going but either way it is enough to keep me going.  Even one root making its way is enough to strengthen, nourish, bless my life in the way that it needs.  That root might be a kind word, a smile, a great thought or talk, a courtesy given. It might be a small choice to choose the better book or movie or article to enjoy.  It is enough because I am enough and I am blessed in my efforts.  Eventually someone will notice and tuck me in the rich soil. They will give me a refreshing drink of water and I will be even better for the struggle and the experience. I'll know that I can do hard things. I'll know that I will get through. That there will always be a way and my efforts make a difference. And through all of that I want to continue growing and blooming and bring joy to those around me.

When sorrow comes in the midst of happy times we wonder why.  And what are we to do now.  My heart has been slow to feel the pain of the teachers and children killed at Sandy Hook Elementary.  I think I start in denial.  I don't want it to be true.  I wish everyone could be safe and well.  Life goes differently and I am reminded of the blessings each day brings.  I remember the joy that can still be ours as we list the things we love.  I hope you enjoy this video about counting gifts.



A blog post with links on way you can help and support the families of Newton, CN and be part of a blessing in their lives.

Grateful
325 My children are alive, safe, and 6 are home with me
326 that so many people are hugging their children and looking for ways to make this world a better, safer place
327 that most people are good and when called upon, become heros.
328 for YW lessons on talents that encourage developing talents in order to share with others, build others in their talents and strengthen the kingdom of God.
329 for my Patriarchal blessing that gives me a glimpse of the woman God sees in me and offers direction in what my gifts might be and how I can be developing those gifts.
330 that my son reminded me that my word for this year is present and that I have received great reminders that I want to enjoy the moment I am in and the people I am with.
331  curry and rice 2 days in a row.
332  that we are in the midst of celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ, him who came to earth, taught us the way to live and then paid the price that we might truly live again.
333  there is always hope.

Slow down

Listening to a sweet song:

Slow down, don't dance so fast
Time is short and the music won't last
Slow down, take it slower
Hear the music before the song is over 

It is a song by Lyndsi Houskeeper, (written by a friend of mine, Phil Theobald).  It is just after feeling so overwhelmed and I think there use to be a time when I needed to slow down but it is now life swirling around me that needs to slow down. I'm content to just stay inside watching snowflakes fall and chop vegetables.  I wonder why everything seems to speed up as your family grows up and how can I possibly keep up and still slow down.

Then I remember that way back in January before I knew that the last half of this year would not only include 2 missionaries coming home but 2 new grandchildren, a new man in my daughter's life and so much good speeding around me, I remember that the word for this year is PRESENT.  My desire to be present, to live in the moment.  My desire to enjoy the presents from heaven and the Heavenly Presence.

It was while pushing Nellie at the park that she taught me more about enjoying the present.  I would push her and in moments she would be complaining that I wasn't constantly pushing.  She was going high and swinging but she wasn't enjoying it, only the small instances when I was pushing.  Had I been doing that?  Had I been missing the ride in between the high moments that were still worth cherishing?

I have been guilty of the sin of wrong thinking.  I have worried about the what ifs, or the hows.  I began this post last week soon after the post Change Is Coming.  I am feeling more at peace.  I was listening to a children's series on the first principles of the gospel.  The song I heard talked about Noah being the right one for the job of building the ark, Moses being the right one for the job of leading the children of Israel out of bondage. . .   Each time God calls a person to do a job - he is the right one for the job.  I'm a little slow but it finally occurred to me that God calls me to jobs.  He has asked me to fulfill the roles of wife and mother and even grandmother.  He called me to this job.  Therefore, I'm the right one for the job.  I'm the right mom for my children. I'm the right grandmother for these grandchildren.  I have what it takes (with his enabling power) to do the job he gives me.  Worrying that I'm doing it wrong or will mess up or won't know how to be or do whatever the future holds is not empowering me or exercising faith.  I have a job to do and I can do it with His help.  I know very well that I will make mistakes, that I will feel foolish, embarrassed, awkward and dumb but even in those moments (that seem to last a very long time) I can feel confident that he will use them to bless those he has called me to serve.  And he will teach me, sometimes through trial and error, how to become better at my job.  When I submit to him he can truly use me for good and we can do the job.

Grateful
273 Lessons learned from my granddaughter
274 the Lord uses music to send messages to me
275 to be fasting for the healing of our country, that God's will will be down in this next presidential election
276 that even a worrier like me can find peace and a desire to better see the good - and enjoy it.
277 my rain gutters got cleaned out, one step closer to prepared for winter.
278 that we had a milk cow, enjoyed raw fresh milk and that the next couple of months off will bring a calf and more milk.

Josh is here!

Sunday, October 28 at about 2:30 am I received the call that the baby was coming.  I quickly packed up my  car and Debbie and I headed for the 2 1/2 hour drive.  We arrived in time, plenty of time.  It was a long and hard labor but so worth it.  

 Josh Parley arrived at 3:32 pm weighing 9lb 1oz and is 20.5 inches long.  He is healthy and well as is mom.

 These two are very happy to have their baby brother here.

Such a happy family.

I feel so grateful for having been invited to the birth of Josh.  I witnessed miracles and graces in all of this.  I do not drive distances well. I want to remember some of these tender mercies

•  I often get very sleepy.  I didn't this time.  I drove in the early hours of the morning through an area that usually has a lot of deer.  I arrived safe, alert, and in time.
• Though the labor was long and patience was wearing thin I felt comfort and peace that all would work out.  With that peace I hope that I was able to share peace with this sweet family of mine.
• At 2:42pm when things were progressing I opened the scriptures to Matt 11: 27 All ^athings are delivered unto me of my Father: and no man knoweth the Son, but the Father; neither ^bknoweth any man the Father, save the Son, ^cand he to whomsoever the Son will ^drevealhim. 28 ¶^aCome unto me, all ye that ^blabour and are heavy laden, and I will give you ^crest.    It seemed to have unusual meaning this time.  I watched my daughter labor, being heavy laden and seeking rest, trusting that she would be delivered and this would bring forth a son that only the Father knows.  A very special baby was born to a family that loves and cherishes him.  They will seek to teach him all that is needful and good.  

• The next scripture I found was Romans 12: 12 Rejoicing in hope; ^apatient in ^btribulation; ^ccontinuing instant in prayer;   I witnessed and felt each of these things and definitely continued in prayer.  It is a bit of a helpless feeling to witness your own child in such tribulation but there was always hope and peace for which I am grateful.
• They had not chosen any music to play during labor. I turned on my phone offering songs on it. Elise did not want them at all.  I tried to turn it off quickly but am not very good with it yet.  I couldn't help smiling as the words to Lyndsi Housekeeper's Within Me sang out for those moments "This is the day I must be strong"

Grateful:

262 Giving birth is a sacred, beautiful experience and wonderfully shared among women.

263 That this sweet little family puts God's plan first and is enjoying the wonders of children

264 Debbie is an amazing aunt and incredibly patient with Jack and Nellie and helpful and fun and cute.

265 Elise keeps a well stocked kitchen that allowed me to cook for her and her family with ease and it even tasted good.

266 They do not have tv in their home

267 They read to their children every night

268 They have fun traditions like "eyebrows" where everyone makes a happy surprise face and then a scowling face.  It is practiced at the dinner table and is so fun.

269  I got to stay for 4 days and came home to a happy and clean home full of the men and boys of my family.  

270  My husband understands and supports me in my role of mother even when it is inconvenient.  He loves me and helps me help my girls in enjoying their roles of wife and mother.

271 for the full moon that has made my morning walks not quite so dark. I'm looking forward to the end of day light savings, of early evenings that with darkness invite staying home by the fire and enjoying the company of family.

272 to be home with my own pillow.  I'm taking it with me next time I travel.

change, its coming

I pick the stormiest day yet to head north on a shopping trip.  We are only a little bit late.  The list of things I hoped to do shrinks as the minutes demand and before I know it I'm headed home having done the essential at least.  I find all well at home.  I get to talk to another sweet person that called me Mom.  I tackle the spilled wheat in the basement.  I get a chance to sit down in front of the computer and I remember my resolve to spend less time right here.  I feel a sadness and I don't understand.  I feel an invitation to a pity party and I'm tempted to be the guest of honor.  Why do these feelings creep up out of nowhere and make me feel sad.  I almost feel like I am mourning something.  I remember the desire to count blessings, euicharisteo, find joy in the journey.  I prayerfully word my complaints with a 'thank you for' at the beginning and I hope that my heart will change.

I think I feel change in the wind and though they are happy changes, changes make me stretch.  Stretching sometimes hurts.  I remember the exercise programs and the sore muscles and the stretching that hurts so good.  Can it be that my mother's heart needs to work and stretch and let go so that I can embrace and rejoice and welcome more of the blessings headed my way? Can it be that the unknown needn't be feared? That the future is bright and I can rise to meet the road ahead?

Birthing requires labor and delivery.  It requires the growing and nurturing inside where only you can feel it for a long time and then it is time to let go.  And you want to.  You are willing and ready but you sometimes hold back and are unsure.  How will I do this? What kind of Mom will I be? (or Granny) Am I enough?  No.  I'm not, not yet. I can become enough.  I can exercise faith and stretch muscles and know the price is so worth it.

Sometimes I think life is stagnant and not progressing and then it just seems to take off and my life is different and the roles I am called to play are different.  I don't know all the answers.  Again I am at the threshold looking on, in transition knowing that staying here is not good or possible.  I must move on.  My choice is how.  At my age I should know who I am and be confident and happy in that but I am a work in progress and though the end goal is the same the path is new and different and full of obstacles.

Whoso offereth praise glorifieth me: and to him that ordereth his conversation aright will I shew the salvation of God.  Psalm 50:23

I feel my conversation has not been ordered aright.   I hear the journey is easier when we don't focus on the difficulty but on the goal.  I want to be a good wife and mother.  I want my family to grow and have families of their own.  I want to be the person they need at this time and I want, especially, to please my Father in Heaven.  I must look to him for strength, healing, guidance, hope, peace and true joy.  For all things are possible in Christ.  He can take this mess that I am and use me for good.  Praise be to Him, creator of all the earth.  He made me, he gave me a family, he taught me his plan of happiness.  He will bless me and be by my side.  He will watch over my loved ones.  He will enable me to be a useful part in his plan.

grateful:
247 God's plan of happiness
248 I'm a mom and sometimes I'm pretty good at it.
249 pain brings needed change
250 change makes me stronger and see in new ways
251 Granny can be soft
252 1 Sam. 2:7 The Lord maketh poor, and maketh rich: he bringeth low, and lifteth up.
253 I am a daughter of God
254 I follow him in faith
255 Costco is now closer and I had some money to shop there today.
256 for new Sunday shoes for Isaac
257 for healthy chicken from Zaycon
258 for primary teachers that plan parties for their class
259 for Bro. Thomas who always has a worthwhile project going on that involves many people.
260 Simeon got his wolf last night (cub scout award)
261 I went walking early this morning with a good friend

Time

We did soccer this season.  It lasts for 6 weeks and was a lot of fun and running around and creative efforts to still eat dinner somehow.  The season is now done. It is short.  I'm glad.  Today we went to a small park in Alton.  We took a picnic lunch, my two youngest children and two grandchildren.  They played and explored and had fun but after an hour they were done.  They wanted to go back to the house.  I said no.  It occurred to me that they don't get enough free time to invent their own fun.  They need time to get past being bored, past the need for entertainment to the point where they create their own fun, independent of the environment or props available.

 It really is such a huge responsibility to be wise with time.  It is truly a gift to be used wisely, an opportunity to exercise stewardship and put first things first.  We have been doing school for a month and finding the balance of instructional time, independent work, family work, free time, meal time, bed time, practice time can be an interesting challenge.  Childhood is a preparation time for life and ideally a time to learn great lessons from play, to practice creation, problem solving, obedience, service, unconditional love, respect, laughter, and joy.

I struggle myself with how best to use my time.  I want to be present, to be really "here" when I should be but I also find great satisfaction in dove tailing, in getting more than one thing done at a time.  I like listening to a book or talk while working around the house or driving but there is that balance of being there for the people around me.  I want to be available and also progressing and achieving.  I'm looking for answers, systems, inspiration because I know that it is really vitally important - these choices I make in how best to use my time.

I am grateful to a blogger who reminded me of this talk by Dallin H. Oaks.  I thought I remembered it but reviewing it has been very helpful.  Tomorrow I will be listening to General Conference.  I will be listening for answers on how to be a better steward over my family, my time, and my finances.  There is lots of room for improvement. It's time to Ask, Seek, and Knock  (Matt 7:7-8)

Grateful
200 Overnight getaways for young parents
201 clean sheets
203 when nap time lasts longer than expected
204 perfect Autumn weather
205 watching deer from off the balcony
206 shared interests of Mr. O and his son in law (even if it is guns)
207 visiting in my daughter's home and finding a well stocked kitchen where I can make cookies and dinner
208 Park days during school hours when we get it all to ourselves.
209 attending my daughter's baby shower and getting to meet many of her new friends in a new town.
210 finding those friends welcoming and kind, offering to help as new baby boy comes.
211 for President Thomas S. Monson, Prophet, Seer, and Revelator that will speak to me at General Conference.
212 for our new General Relief Society Presidency and there focus on helping the women of the world better understand the Atonement of Jesus Christ.

September 11

I forgot. I forgot that there would be flags up today in remembrance of a terrible day that changed our country.  It was the day we were attacked on our own soil and many innocent lives were lost.

It is interesting to me that recently I am remembering my word for this year.  It was "Present".  I recognize that I am not always really in the moment, really there being present.  Today I had my daughter, her husband and children here for a quick visit.  It was fun and although we busily got peaches bottled, lunch served, the parents to the temple and the grandchildren playing with aunt D in the backyard and the gathering of eggs and petting of rabbits, I wasn't really there.  I knew everyone was well cared for but I was arranging food or schedules, cleaning up the details.  I realize that those are good things too.  My joy came when this Granny chose to take Mom and the kids to the park.  I thought about the camera.  I almost grabbed it.  I usually do and get some fun shots but I chose not to take it this time.  I chose to play at the park instead.  I got to visit with Elise, chase kids on the playground, dig for treasure with Jack, and just be there and be available.  It felt good.

They have left for home again already and I am back to my distractions of computer time.  I was blessed to find this post today about putting the camera down and enjoying the moment yourself.  I love when another source seems to validate the choice I made and help me understand why I made it.  So no pictures today but hopefully that little bit of time was a deposit in the love bank of those I love.  May they know that I enjoy being with them, helping them, and just being present.

I think that might be one of the best things to come out of September 11.  We were all reminded to cherish the moments and keep family close.

live fully! or empty?

I am excited to take this a little more seriously.  I need to live more fully, to experience joy and I already feel happy just in anticipation of seeing the goodness of God all around me.  (quotes are all from One Thousand Gifts)

To fully live--to live full of grace and joy and all that is beauty eternal.

That is the goal, my goal. to have more grace, more joy, more of recognizing the eternal beauty.  I continue reading. Ann of Holy Experience and 1000 Gifts teaches me in the original Greek, he gives thanks reads eucharisteo in speaking of Christ in Luke 22:19.

 The root word of eucharisteo is charis, meaning "grace."  Jesus took the bread and saw it as grace and gave thanks.  He took the bread and knew it to be gift and gave thanks.                  But there is more, and I read it.  Eucharisteo, thanksgiving, envelopes the Greek word for grace, charis.  But it also holds its derivative, the Greek word chara, meaning "joy."  Joy.  Ah. . . yes.  I might be needing me some of that.

As long as thanks is possible, then joy is always possible.

Always. Always.  To feel joy is up to me.  When I give thanks I will feel joy.

Eucharisteo--thanksgiving--always precedes the miracle.

 Thanksgiving is the evidence of our acceptance of whatever He gives.  Thanksgiving is the manifestation of our Yes! to His grace.

Giving thanks is exercising faith.

Joy is the realest reality, the fullest life, and joy is always given, never grasped.  God gives gifts and I give thanks and I unwrap the gift given: joy.

 The real problem of life is never a lack of time.  The real problem of life--in my life-- is lack of thanksgiving.  Thanksgiving creates abundance' and the miracle of multiplying happens when I give thanks--take the just one loaf, say it is enough, and give thanks--and He miraculously makes it more than enough. 

So these thoughts and quotes swim in my mind and I desire contentment and an ability to truly see and give thanks to my loving Heavenly Father.  He gives me all I need.  


I'm looking for a list, a way to number the gifts I see and to invite my family to join me in listing the graces, the miracles, the simplest things each day until we reach 1000 also and maybe it will become a habit--to list the good and feel the joy.


I headed outside to find a few things that I am grateful for.  It was so easy!

 and my Tall One preparing a talk for sacrament meeting.  . . Where we come to the table of thanksgiving and receive grace, nourishment, and fellowship.  Another one for the list!

Chocolate also shared some resources and ideas on Joy.

PS  Preparing my Young Women's lesson on prayer and found this quote in a talk by Elder Richard G. Scott.   Grateful again for the many resources and testimonies he places before me.

I have saved the most important part about prayer until the end. It isgratitude! Our sincere efforts to thank our beloved Father generate wondrous feelings of peace, self-worth, and love. No matter how challenging our circumstances, honest appreciation fills our mind to overflowing with gratitude.

Our works, pitty party

So I find myself having another pitty party.  They come too often or in 3's or something but nonetheless they are not fun.  Sometimes when I start some grand idea, some do good thing I feel inspired to take on, I feel like I will be blessed to carry the burdens that might come with the plan.  I feel like I have tools to use.  I feel like I have things I will learn.  Eventually, like all good stories, things come to a climax where the hero is tested.  I don't like being tested.  I don't like getting to that point where I question my sanity and my ability to continue on.  I don't think of myself as a hero.

As I question my sanity I wonder if I am strong enough.  I wonder why I want to hide in my room and spend time mindlessly watching tv.  I wonder why I have hormones that challenge my resolve to be cheerful and loving, exercise my patience, cause me to doubt.  When life gets heavy I am going to remember from whence my strength cometh.

I am not alone.  I have good people all around me but mostly I have a loving Heavenly Father.  This scripture

"But behold, if ye will awake and arouse your faculties, even to an experiment upon my words, and exercise a particle of faith, yea, even if ye can no more than desire to believe, let this desire work in you, even until ye believe in a manner that ye can give place for a portion of my words."

—Alma 32:27, Book of Mormon

I can't sleep through the hard parts (tempting) but I can awake.  Faculties - an ability; power of the mind; inherent capability of the body; an entire teaching/administrative force of a university.  To arouse my faculties could be to prepare myself to accept the word of God.  I can humble myself or be humbled.  I can work on having eyes that see and ears that hear.  I can allow the facutlies (the teaching body of me) to teach my soul.  I can experiment on His words.  I know we are going to have tests.  I know that we are given promises that I can hold on to.  I know that when I stay on his path, we all win.  The trick is to seek his guidance and then trust in his answers, his plan.  So even if I just have a desire to believe I will see the blessings, the tender mercies in my life.  I will be strengthened.

In Ecclesiastes we are are told

22 Wherefore I perceive that there is nothing better, than that a man should rejoice in his own ^aworks; for that is his portion: for who shall bring him to see what shall be after him?

This life, this family is my works and my work.  I need to rejoice in my own works.  I need to enjoy the journey, recognize the progress, and be grateful.  I can't worry about tomorrow.  I just need to do my best today and REJOICE in the labour and the works.  


I have been flirting with the ideas found in One Thousand Gifts from Holy Experience.  I'll share more about eucharisteo and the plan I am forming to bring joy to my day, each day.  Surely rejoicing in our works, arousing our falculties, planting a desire to believe all come as we recognize a loving father's hand in all things.    Gratitude, thanksgiving show me how to do those very things.

  I recently got caught up in the hope of soccer camp.  We went to a one day free clinic.  It was to introduce a week long camp this summer for under $200.  I was so tempted.  Everyone else was walking away with their t-shirts and dreams of young soccer stars.  I wanted to be a good parent.  I wanted to provide opportunities for my children.  Surely I could get all three in.  . .  In our marriage we are free to make financial decisions if we need to but I prefer to think it over and discuss with my husband.  We decided we could not afford it.  We live a modest lifestyle on one income.  (All the other mom's had 2 incomes and less children.)

At first I felt bad.  Then I remembered.  We have different priorities in our family and most of them do not require money, experts, and time away from family.  I choose not to spend my time organizing the schedule and shuttling children to various activities, lessons, and games.  We carefully choose what we will be a part of and we trust that we don't have to do everything.  I have seen it work out well.  We are able to teach team work at home and an occasional soccer rec. season.  We teach work ethic, kindness, responsibility -with a garden, household chores, and animals to care for. They learn to entertain themselves and play with each other.  I cherish the time I have at home.  My worth at home is greater than my monetary earning capability.

Trusting that a way will be provided for those most important lessons, we will do the best we can with what we have and enjoy the moment.

We will spending time getting to know one another.

I will work on being present and not wishing for things we don't have and simply do not need.

But when we accept and enjoy the season of life we're in, we learn that the time we have in life is plentiful.  God places each day before us as nothing short of a miracle, if we live with the eyes open to see it.  (Mindset for Moms: From Mundane to Marvelous by Jamie C. Martin)