In the temple this morning I received a desire to be better at giving gifts. I want to be more aware of the needs around me and be prepared to help, to give. I want to not have so much drama and worry when it comes to picking out a gift and trying to guess the receivers ability to receive - will they like it?, do they need it? will it be appreciated? Is it cheap? Is it wasteful? Is it a burden? will they be insulted? will they think I am ... because of what I chose to spend or make or do? Guess what? None of that is under my control I have been letting something I have no control over - control me. It has actually paralyzed me at times because I didn't trust my ability to just give what I could. I am realizing that the part I can control is my intention. That is where my worry can actually help me. How can I keep my intentions pure? Are they motivated by love? Is the gift freely given without hope or expectation? I don't want to give anything with strings attached. I want to give freely and joyfully. I want to give abundantly.
I am realizing that some of my issues with giving come from my inability to simply receive. I get worried when someone does something for me or gives me something. What do they expect in return? I could never be as thoughtful. Are things different between us now? Do I need to go get them something?
As this desire grew in my heart during a sacred temple experience I started to look around and realized that so many of the paintings surrounding me in the world room were of giving. There were hands held out offering. There were gifts being carried. There were gifts of serving, hard work welcoming, help and concern, discovery, knowledge, adventure. There are also gifts that are not good such as the money paid to sell Joseph into captivity or the Israelites and the golden calf.
Giving and receiving are such vital parts of our earthly experience. We do need to discern (another gift I want is that of discernment). We need to give and receive good gifts. I add that to my request to learn to be a good giver of good gifts. I want to let go of trying to understand what may be going on in anyone else's head and trust that I am doing the best I know how and they are too. It seems to me that it would be easy to give gifts in this way.
I feel fortunate that my husband is a good giver. He loves to give in secret. He willingly helps anyone in need. He give service. He is building his business and under all kinds of responsibilities and dreams of potential but this summer he has taken time to serve. He has served as president of the Mormon Miracle Pageant where he is continually working on relationships and how to improve the pageant experience. We got to be in the Nauvoo and British pageants which was a gift to me as it was my dream to do as a family and took over 2 weeks of full time away from home. He was asked to be the course director for Wood badge and spent much of the year putting together a fantastic team and inviting participants to invest in learning leadership skills. He helped my niece find a car and will probably end up eating a good share of the cost of the first effort as it didn't work out. I bought a mirror and it led to redoing the whole powder room which he did willingly as evenings allowed. He took time to help us with the grand kids at the fair and then took several of the boys to the rodeo that night. I have examples in my children, grandchildren, neighbors and friends of people giving good gifts that are becoming more obvious and I seek to understand gifts. They don't complain. They just give where they can and trust the circle of giving and receiving. It will all work out.
I am seeing that same cycle in my relationship with God. He gives and gives. All that I have he has given me. Sometimes he asks me to give - a broken heart, contrite spirit, my will, sisters to minister to, a family to love, covenants and promises, time, a grateful heart. He asks of me, is there with me helping me give and he blesses me through the whole process. When we give good gifts I believe there are always more good things heading our way.
