I received this invitation Saturday evening. When I suggested it, my family went into action and made beautiful happen! It was so fun to bear testimony.
We gathered up our plastic eggs. We didn't have candy for the eggs and no plans for an Easter egg hunt. We still had fun but writing notes for each egg (He is not here, He is risen, Jesus loves you...) and then hid them around the yards of our kids homes in town. It was sneaky and fun.
Easter morning we were out the door in time to enjoy the sunrise. We went to Pioneer Heritage Park, enjoyed the view of the sun, temple, clouds, color and beauty. We sang songs, read John 20 and just enjoyed the quiet time here.
These two kiddos are such great sports. They are fun to be with and bring such joy to every day. After we read about the resurrection, we had them race down to this spot for another picture. The winner was these two that Jesus loves.
Sweet rolls for breakfast. (no cinnamon)
We shared one Easter basket and also were surprised by an Easter lily from our neighbors. It smells wonderful. It is my first ever and I like it.
Easter bunny offerings and an Easter lily with card from Arnoldsons
This is our second year of the tradition with a red egg. It is dyed with yellow onion skins, turns this beautiful red and represents a story from when it was illegal to be a believer. The believers used a red egg to share their testimony that He is risen. The matriarch of the family shares their testimony and the egg is kept all year as a reminder of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. This year we read Grandma Marilyn Peterson's testimony. Sure wish we could have had her here too.
We enjoyed a meal of ham, potatoes, asparagus, jello, rolls and strawberry shortcake. Since we all live and work together, it made sense to celebrate together. So very grateful for family both close by and those we get to talk to wherever they are.
It is also Maddie's third birthday. She is a sweetie.
I am learning that in my desire to know and understand more of light, to have more light, I also have to be exposed to darkness. It is the side I did not want to see. God did not create darkness. He created light and he gave us many forms of light - the sun, moon, the stars, His son, the light of Christ that can shine through each of us. If it were not for the dark we would not recognize or appreciate the light as fully. It is because we have darkness that we can crave the light.
It is when we seek for light that we better see it in others. It is when we are experiencing dark that we crave the light and draw closer to our Savior. We have been feasting on these Bible videos.
As I watched this video this morning I learned that in Peter and in Jesus we have examples of dark and light. Here is what I mean. Peter was anxious and convinced that he was ready to follow Jesus anywhere through anything. Jesus knew Peter had some learning to do, some refining. Peter would experience fear, doubt, cowardliness, shame, possibly despair. He still turned to God, sought out the light and became a light. I think because he had been through such hard, difficult dark times he was very committed to doing all he could to stay with the light. He knew Jesus had prayed for him and believed in him. His own mistakes took him to dark but then he chose God's way. HIS way is the path that leads to happiness in this life and eternal life in the world to come.
Jesus also declared his desire to bring glory to his father. He remembers how things were before the world was. He came to earth to experience mortality. He had done all he had been asked and done it perfectly. He also experienced a great darkness. The darkness he experienced was not because of his own mistakes but that of others. As he paid the price for our sins he experienced the very darkest of dark. Now he has the glory of God. Now we can say "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." (Phil 4:13) He is the Light of the world.
My feeling is that we all need to experience dark. We don't all need to sin to experience difficult times. We are taught through our own choices or those of others. In my efforts to learn more of light my Heavenly Father has allowed me to experience some dark times that have been hard. People I admire who make poor choices. Family members who experience hard times that I can't make better. Heartache and pain in ways I never wanted to have to know, I now know about. It is hard but I am never left alone. Even when things feel darkest there are still stars shining and leading the way. Even when I am down there are little tender mercies that remind me that I am not alone, that I am loved, that I can survive. And in maintaining hope I receive a glimpse of the joy ahead and I don't have to be in that perfect place or situation to begin to feel joy again. Hope brings joy with it.
Some of the tender mercies have been in the words of songs that repeat in my mind:
"I know who I am. I know God's plan. I follow Him in faith"
"I stand for truth and righteousness"
"As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord"
"A mighty fortress is my God"
"...but this life is the test"
"Climb every mountain, ford every stream..."
Scriptures that remind me that after the dark comes the light. Repentance is possible. Healing is possible for the sinner, the victim, and those who love both of them.
Though they be scarlet they can be white as snow.
He will wipe away every tear.
His hand is stretched out still.
Be still and know that I am God.
I am thrilled to see the power of love. It isn't always easy to love but Jesus helps us with that too. We can lean on him as we learn to love through the hard times. There is power in priesthood blessings. Power in a mother's prayer. Power in family, especially a family united in their desire to faithfully keep covenants and rely on the atonement of Jesus Christ.
And there is power in just keeping on. Getting up again each day. Putting on a smile. Following through with responsibilities even when we just would rather stay in bed. Reaching out to serve when we think we have nothing left to give and finding that our sacrifice is rewarded by filling us with more than we though possible. Faith. Hope. Charity. They each are essential to life and truly living in this world. That is how we endure. That is how we not only survive but thrive. That is how we get through the dark and can bask in the light. I will continue to seek the Light of Christ.
Please don't compare, but seek to learn and apply eternal principles as you wad through the furnace of your own afflictions.
--may I suggest that your personal struggles--you individual sorrows, pains, tribulations, infirmities of every kind--are all known to our Father in Heaven and to His Son. Take courage! Have faith! And believe in the promises of God!
And then he quotes Elder Maxwell
"Certain forms of suffering, endured well, can actually be ennobling... Part of enduring well consists of being meek enough, amid our suffering to learn from our relevant experiences. Rather than simply passing through these things, they must pass through us . . . in ways which sanctify us."
I am so grateful that "We can take strength in knowing that all the hard experiences in this life are temporary; even the darkest nights turn into dawn for the faithful."
I love these 2 days of General Conference. We prepare. We pray for those who will be speaking. We pray that we may be ready to receive guidance and counsel, understanding and courage. We make things to eat like deviled eggs, cookies, crackers and dip. Usually we have printed off some pages for the kids but not this year. This year at 10 am on Saturday they had notebooks and the tv going. I grabbed my stuff and caught up quick. There was some dozing so we let them expand a little. Out came the legos that have not been touched for several years and the boys quietly built trucks and trailers. Debbie and Emily colored in those beautiful coloring books or drew their own pictures. I took notes and worked on some knitting. We all stayed awake and did better. Ella kept Grandpa awake.
Simeon and Isaac building with legos
Its not that we don't enjoy the speakers cuz we really DO. Its just that it is a rather intense day of information and a lot to take in all at once. I am so grateful that we can review throughout the next six months via lds.org, mormonchannel.org, our Ensign conference issue and the notes we have taken.
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Normal we invite any and all family over. I did not invite anyone this time. I was tired and didn't want to be in charge although I did try to specify that anyone that wanted to show up was welcome. We did finally get some visitors Sunday afternoon and evening and we loved the visit.
Debbie drawing and listening
Some of the messages that I thought were particularly directed to me involved the need to love others, have courage, and learn to do the basics of gospel living and then keep on doing them. Even when we aren't sure why we just keep on choosing the right through faith and it all works for our good. God is so good. He loves us so much.
Ella and Grandpa
I prayed for an ongoing health challenge and how to find answers. I received "watch for evidence that He is leading, guiding, and walking beside me."
I am studying and seeking light. I received "Receive the light, seek the light, follow the light." and "there is Sunshine in my Soul Today with additional sources of light and truth shared through music.
I have been feeling down and I was told "Look up. Don't look around comparing or looking for your value from others, look up to Christ.
I have had some family struggles and worried about members of my family and I was reminded "we are an eternal family!" We are built to last and we will keep doing our best. If we can't be together as much as we might like now, its ok because we have eternity.
I worry if I'm doing things right and Elder Rasband said "let the Holy Spirit guide" My responsibility is to recognize promptings and follow them. I can be willing.
Mary, the mother of Jesus, is one of my heroes. I loved hearing about her from Elder Clayton. I, too, can have thoughtful confidence in the timing of the Lord.
I have seen success in my efforts to live the gospel and teach my family. It's okay to celebrate success and share what has worked for us. Maybe I can help others through my experiences.
I have a heritage of goodness and enjoyed hearing about Parley P. Pratt. We build faith by the little steps we take. We learn from the refining trials that we have. We can forgive quickly and love others.
As I listened to the LDS General Women's conference and reviewed in my notes from other speakers I feel so comforted. So a while ago I heard Sister Tammy Runia speak.
This shall give they experience. A chance to test that which we have been taught
You can't always get what you want but sometimes you get what you need
Not understanding is not the same as not believing. Use your eye of faith and trust Him.
Say "no" to discouragement. Say "yes" to growing.
And then tonight I heard from Bonnie Cordon
In all they ways acknowledge him!
Trust him
Lean not unto thy own understanding
It's not about me. Look for opportunities to serve
and Carol McConkie
When we choose that good part it will not be taken from us.
and Linda Burton
Be one of those Certain Women that were disciples of Christ
be willing to sacrifice and count the blessings while you are sacrificing
and finally President Henry B. Eyring
Ether 12:27 27 And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.
Becoming aware of weakness is a blessing that allows me to grow and turns me to my Savior
My Father in Heaven is more concerned with upward progress than comfort.
He also spoke of how the Holy Ghost helps us see the greatness in others. I believe he helps us see that we also have value and even greatness.
As I shared my recent experiences with emotions, mental confusion and doubts I am comforted because I can see the same pattern spoken of here. I was given experiences that were hard, that invited me to turn to Christ. I can trust him. I don't have to understand all of it to be able to gain growth and peace from it or even during the difficult times when my weaknesses are shining brightly. I will choose that good part! I will rejoice in it. I will take comfort that as I choose Christ, that good part will not be taken from me but will bless and strengthen me. I truly can do all things through Christ Jesus who strengthens me. And he sends angels to strengthen me.
I was in a very poor place. I have been tired (naps at least twice a day) and craving junk but feeling guilty. I have been gaining weight. I have been sad, angry, disappointed and quick tempered. I felt like I was drowning. I wanted to stay in my room, watch movies. Reading was challenging and I felt left out of scripture study because I just couldn't concentrate and didn't feel like I was connecting with the spirit. Thankfully I have a loving Heavenly Father watching out for me. My husband was out of town when a dear friend took time to just visit with me. (Thanks, Shelly) It was nice. It was the next day when another friend started chatting with me on facebook. She sold me some vitamins a while ago that help with getting good nutrients to the brain. I had taken some for a while but didn't see any change so I had backed off quite a bit. She had me put some in yogurt and take them right away. That let them get into my system quickly. Within half an hour the tears that came so easily had stopped. That evening I went to the Relief Society birthday party that I had been dreading and I smiled. I smiled. I liked smiling. I even liked people and I have wanted to avoid all people lately, even my own family. As I felt better everyone else seemed better to me. I wanted them to be happy. I saw good in them. It was nice.
I don't know if I had depression. I don't know a lot about those issues. I do know that I was sinking and wanting to do less and less with life. It is a crazy feeling. I feel so much better. I am taking my vitamins and have no desire to take less again. I don't want to be dependent on vitamins to function well but the alternative of sinking is not what I want either. To think that giving my brain the nutrients it needs make so much of a difference in how I feel, how I function, and my outlook on life is amazing. I am still working my way back up. I took one nap today and I loved it. It wasn't so much an escape as a reward as I rested with the window open and the fresh rain air. My family has been so patient in this path to recovery for me. I am thankful for them. I thought I was doing well and that this is as good as it gets - "the new normal" but I am so happy to find out that I can be happy again. I am excited to see what the next couple of months may bring but I today feel an increase in light in my life and I feel certain that light and truth will accompany my well functioning mind. I don't know if the accident affected my ability to think clearly or if it just helped me realize that I was not reaching my potential. I do hope and pray that I am on the right path. That as I learn to enjoy this life and existing and even thriving on this planet that I can embrace purpose and meaning. I want to be happy. I want to be a light and not a dark cloud. I want to be useful and cheerful and have the ability to see the good in all things. I want to fully trust my Savior. He understands and he is helping me.
I am realizing that if I hadn't gotten so low I would not have seen the difference. Without the lows, I wouldn't enjoy or even recognize the improvement. I needed the opposition to better see the good that was mine for the taking (or receiving). Really we are given everything and it is up to us to receive the good, the gifts, the love of our Father in Heaven. He even gave me some amazing lessons so that I could be even better and feel better again.
Grateful
- Q Sciences is where to get information on the vitamins that have helped me. If you want to know more, I can help.
- patient people
- the reminder that we all have hard things and I have people that were patient with me.
- I have a desire to be more patient with others as they figure out where they are and what they need.
It has been one week since my last accident. I almost feel like I am confessing my sins at an AA meeting. Yes, I was in an accident, a car accident. And it was my fault. I was following my 15yo son home on his bike, it was snowing. I was two blocks from home. I had a yield sign and the driver coming from my right did not. I honestly never saw him until after he T-boned me with his big truck. We were both only going 20 mph or less. I was the only person in my car. Neither of us were hurt. He was kind enough to come put his arm around me and ask if I was ok. I was fine. He was fine. Isaac came riding back on his bike quickly. He heard the accident and I think it scared him a bit but he is fine too.
I was able to drive home. By then I was surrounded by family, Emily, Elise, my little ones. Elise helped fill out paper work and make phone calls. She is pretty helpful that way. I was still shaking.
I am struggling. We went through the whole "At least you are okay and no one was hurt" thing but now this week as we realize that the car is totaled and we will get no help from the insurance, I am feeling less than. We are shopping for another wreck that we can piece together with this one and have a good car again. My problem is that I am tired of being the one to worry others. I don't want large amounts of money and time spent because I coasted through a yield sign. I have a loving husband who never complains about my mistakes and would do anything for me. I know that. I realize that the negative and convicting thoughts are coming just from me, but they are so real and strong. And I just don't feel very strong. One side of me says I'll just stay home, I'm not a safe driver anyway. I don't deserve to have a car. Then another voice tells me I'll just be a burden. I need to be independent and helpful. I need to be a contributor and not just a leech. I don't work. I don't bring in any kind of financial benefit to our household but I do work hard and I have raised great kids and created a loving home. I know no one else is complaining but I just want to be better. I want to be more.
Today I went to the dentist for 2 fillings. The dental assistant asked about my family. She thinks I'm amazing to still be raising children. It is just what I do. Then the dentist let me have my work done without the pain killing shots and it wasn't bad. He thought I was very brave to handle that, even just mentally. I am grateful for the victories of today. I know I'm not a bad person but fighting the negative feelings can be such an uphill battle. I wish surviving was enough of an accomplishment but I feel driven to something better. Something that says I have meaning and purpose. I bring value to other people's lives. I want to progress and I guess that means feeling hard things and learning from them.
Maybe if I think about light and love and joy and goodness then God can shed some healing light on my understanding. I am so grateful for light.
Light! Light is the word I have chosen for 2017 and I am so excited. As I have had the opportunity to be grateful to still be on this planet I have had a desire grow in my heart to be a source of love and light. As I think about light I am very excited to learn, understand, be, receive, reflect and share light.
There is so much to know and understand about light. I hope to share here a bit of my journey. Today I was blessed with an opening hymn in sacrament meeting that was all about light You Can Make the Pathway Bright
Lyrics
1. You can make the pathway bright,
Fill the soul with heaven's light,
If there's sunshine in your heart;
Turning darkness into day,
As the shadows fly away,
If there's sunshine in your heart today.
(Chorus)
If there's sunshine in your heart,
You can send a shining ray
That will turn the night to day;
And your cares will all depart,
If there's sunshine in your heart today.
2. You can speak the gentle word
To the heart with anger stirred,
If there's sunshine in your heart;
Tho it seems a little thing,
It will heaven's blessings bring,
If there's sunshine in your heart today.
3. You can do a kindly deed
To your neighbor in his need,
If there's sunshine in your heart;
And his burden you will share
As you lift his load of care,
If there's sunshine in your heart today.
4. You can live a happy life
In this world of toil and strife,
If there's sunshine in your heart;
And your soul will glow with love
From the perfect Light above,
If there's sunshine in your heart today.
Text: Helen Silcott Dungan, ca. 1899
Music: James M. Dungan, 1851-1925
I thought about commenting on so many of these ideas but I think we will just trust that they will plant in your heart and there flourish and grow. Having light in your heart really can bless and accomplish so much. It is going to be a great year!
A friend in need is a friend in deed. When I needed a friend and didn't even realize it, Heavenly Father blessed me with Laurie. Laurie Bishop is a very good friend of mine. She snuck this picture on an early morning walk and then posted it on facebook.
Though we don't look beautiful and put together, we are real and genuine. That is how our friendship is. There is no need to put up a front or pretend in any way. Its a safe place for which I am so grateful.
Laurie is one of those people who loves others and gives everything. I think she was guided to know that I needed a friend. She initiated things together, like walking every morning at 5:45 which got me up and moving and provided a platform for sharing hopes, dreams, and insights. She always acted like I was doing her a favor and yet I know that she has pulled me out of my cave, out of my comfort zone, out of my pity party where I thought I had no friends and welcomed me into her family, her friends and her life. We have had so much fun over the years. Our children have become best of friends too. It is so good to have friends with common interests, goals, and especially standards.
When I had my accident in August, Laurie did not forget me nor did she let me hide or sit home. She called or came by daily. We went on walks together where she would push a wheelchair so that when I had done as much as I could, she would push me. We advanced to a cane and then to just holding her arm when necessary. Each small and slow step of the way she treated me like I was someone special. She treated me with a value and worth that I didn't always feel and it was a huge and happy part of each day.
I am so grateful for her. Glad she has taught me what a true friend is and has always been there for me. She has taught me patience. She has taught me unconditional love. She has taught me that it is fun to share insights and "ah ha's" as well as fears and concerns. We share our journey from large family mother to grandmother and mother in law with all of its new challenges and joys. We have shared our callings and attitudes as we accept the challenge of new callings and new wards. I know when she is around I have a good friend nearby who truly would do anything for me. I hope and pray that she realizes her worth and that I, too, would do anything for her. I look up to her and would love to be more like her in so many ways. She is my friend, my teacher, my hero and my sister.
