Missing Peace

As I spent a morning praying, pondering and seeking answers to my questions about relationships with my family, extended family, friends, leaders, presidency, RS sisters, I am realizing that I need to clean up my inner vessel.  I need and want to better remember who I am, why I am here, and how to hear the promptings of the Holy Ghost.  I want to be cheerful, kind, thoughtful. I want all of that to come from inside. I want to see the good in others, trust that they are doing their best and figure out what my best can and should look like.

I experience some major mood swings and too often am nit picky and critical of others.  That is not how I want to show up. I have not felt united with the Saints but divided in so many ways and am quick to doubt the value of attending sacrament meeting or having any meetings. I am concerned about the spin on COVID 19 and restrictions and masks and losing our freedoms, our ability to connect as humans, our health mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually.  It is hard at times to see the hope or know what I can do to stand for truth and defend liberty. I am tired of being reminded that "these are interesting (difficult, challenging) times".  I know that. I want answers.

I watched this video this morning.  I am reminded that meeting together, even in masks, might still be helping one another.  I am reminded that one way to fight for right is to worship and partake of the sacrament. That no matter how many ridiculous restrictions, the church will go forward.




I am also listening to Because of Christ on Calvary by Brad Wilcox.  He says after Jesus fed the 5000 many followed him for free food. "He tried to lift their vision and expand their desires... Jesus said I am the bread of life. He that cometh to me shall never hunger." The people rejected the spiritual bread.

My thought is that right now I have the chance, the choice to choose Jesus.  Was attending church fully a bit of being given bread and fish? Do I have more responsibility and invitation to come to Christ not just come to church?  Am I about loving his children or being seen as doing my calling? Will he help me see what I need to be doing or doing less? How do I increase discernment? How do I hear him and more fully follow him, depend on him. recognize him, trust that he is taking care of things?

I too often feel not heard.  I wish there was a way to have these conversations with people I know and love but maybe I need to converse more with my Heavenly Father. 

Maybe it starts with counting my blessings.

Copper

 Copper is a copper colored standard poodle. A treasured and loved member of the Van O family. He was just reaching adulthood. He was hit and killed by a car tonight.  My heart is sad as I had a front row seat to the mourning of this dear little family.  

Elise is heart broken.  She was so proud of this sweet, well behaved, kindhearted dog. She called after being told that someone thought it was her dog on the highway.  He was already gone. Another hit and run. Her husband out of town and her children home waiting, she called her dad.  It was after he left that I felt the need to be there too.  I pray that a mother's hug can still bring comfort to adult children because she is still my little girl and oh how I want to relieve the pain for her and her sweet family.  

I took her home to deliver the news.  I watched as she hugged her 11 yo son and they both cried together. He had been out walking Copper when he took off.  They were pals. He is taking it hard.

We went inside to the other 3 kids to explain that Copper was gone.  Hugs and tears. Having to be so specific so the 3 year old could understand.  Lucy sobbing in her mom's arms without understand why she was so sad.  Nellie thoughtfully pulled out a photo book and shared a favorite picture of Copper. Josh laying sick on the couch with a fever tried to do what he could.

They said goodbye to Copper and then circled in family prayer.  Nellie said the prayer. I was so amazed and grateful for her gratitude and faith.  She thanked Heavenly Father for all the fun they had with Copper and that he got to be their dog.

Grandpa gave both Jack and Josh blessings, one of comfort and one of healing.  They have plans to bury him tomorrow up the mountain at a place they can visit again.  The healing process may take a while, especially for my Elise. I pray they may all find comfort and peace, forgiveness and patience as they seek answers and more forward. 

He and Grandpa found a sweet spot up the mountain as Copper's final resting place.