a new calling

In our church we accept callings.  We are willing to recognize our leaders as called of God and having stewardship over our ward congregation.  We don't ask for or aspire to positions.  We wait and trust that the Lord knows what is best and will reveal to our leaders the proper order in our ward.  Youth group leaders (young mens and young womens) are expected to be very good with youth.  They have a huge responsibility to be good examples, wise, humble, prayerful, with lots of good ideas, energy, and talents. You do not apply for the job or prepare an amazing portfolio for the very important position of shaping and guiding our next leaders.  You simple say, "OK, I'll do my best".

Normally a president is called.  They are given time to learn about the program, time to prayerfully select counselors and then together they begin this new journey with youth and parents trusting that you will in fact, learn the ropes and do your best and be an influence for good.

Sunday was not my day to play piano in primary.  In the summer we take off for cub scouts.  My responsibilities were few.  My baby girl is turning 8 next month and I went with her to visit with the bishop about her upcoming baptism.  I had not even a hunch that my life was about to change.

After the bishop finished talking to Debbie, he turned to me and shared how the Lord had told him very strongly that I am to be the new Young Women's president.  I cried, expressed my fear.  He gave me a steady look and said, will you.  Despite the immediate doubts in my ability or desire for such a position, I said yes.  Girls camp is in 3 weeks and he does not want to mess with anything else so he asked that we not change anything in the organization.  An hour later I was at a meeting about girls camp and then in sacrament meeting where my name was offered and sustained. During Sunday school I was set apart and by the third hour of church I was in young women's class and attended a class presidency meeting afterward.

My mind has been whirling.  My heart pounding. My eyes leaking.  I wonder how, and what, and why.  The amazing part is that I am feeling a peace.  I almost fight the peace and feel like I should be in a crazy panic but there is a sweet peace that says it will all work out.  My family is already very busy with lots of wonderful events.  We have a baptism with lots of family coming.  A missionary farewell with lots of family coming.  A new grandbaby coming in 3 weeks as well as girls camp.  My missionary leaves the end of the month.  To finish this month we have guests coming to stay with us for pageant and my sweet daughter is bringing home her boyfriend to meet us and he and his family will stay with us so they can also attend pageant.

Each time I list it all out I think "AAAAyyeee!".  But I don't feel it.  I feel like it will all work out.  I don't know how but I want to focus on the peace and move forward daily with steps that bring order to my life and create balance.  I want to learn to manage my time better and to certainly not just manage whatever is loudest at the moment.  I want to celebrate my missionary and maybe do his eagle court of honor also.  I want time to prepare my daughter for her baptism that it may be a very important and special step in her life that she begin with understanding and with increased testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ.  I want to support my bishop, magnify my calling, create unity in my presidency and in all the young women's program and I want to make sure that I always take time to prepare each day to have the spirit guiding me because I have taken time to study, pray, and journal every quiet whisper he blesses me with.

Other than a few goals to get accomplished by the end of July, I'm enjoying the lazy days of summer.  I might have to make another batch of Popsicles.  Maybe I'll delegate that one.  :)

Grateful:
651 The Joyful Burden of Discipleship 
652 That amazing women are blessing my life
653 amazing Young Women are entering my life and inspiring me
654 Tender mercies that are simplifying my day and it happened yesterday too!  Traded principle part dates with the other Lucy.  Cabin suddenly available for an extra friend and her family.  Thoughtful friend that volunteered to cover at tonight's pageant dinners.

oops, is it worth it

So I have been trying to get new carpet in the library.  I finally got paint in my living room but haven't loved the color.  Now I'm thinking that it is a good thing I didn't replace or repaint yet.  Yesterday I found scribbling on my walls and trim.  The freshest, newest paint in the house.  The room where I haven't even dared put up pictures is now colored on.

Tonight I came home late to find Daisy's, our 1 year old dog, paws white.  I found white smeared on the floor.  It looked like paint?  I found paw paint prints in the kitchen.  We found a bucket of paint spilled in the back hall and more prints in the back bedroom on the carpet.  Then I found paw prints on the library carpet. The very carpet that I had hoped to replace and grateful that we haven't yet.  And it was actually the blue of our library walls.

One of the many frustrations of animals.  Once the deed is done and over, the teaching opportunity is past.  All that is left is for the humans in my house to learn from the mistake.  Trash cans were tipped over and chewed up trash left around.  Not happy.  No one to yell at.

So my thoughts have turned to "Is it worth it?"  Would I rather not let a dog in the house?  There are actually lots of nice things about pets too and this was really a people training problem.  What about the coloring on the wall?  Should I guard my house and monitor the children closely or insist that the parent always be near by?  I don't think so.  If the price of having others feel welcome in my home, cousin time and freedom to play was that I might get a little drawing on the wall occasionally, then it is worth the risk.

The paint has been cleaned up.  The guests in our home that probably could be blamed a little never saw the mess.  Really it comes down to my own choices and lack of communication and training.  I would love a picture perfect home and new carpet but for now I will enjoy the experiences of having people in my life and count the good and the bad as a blessing.

Grateful:
645 for time to be calm, deal with the mess and ponder
646 really great cleaning help from my guests.  My love language is service
647 berry cheesecake at kneaders
648 another great evening of training with Kirk Duncan
649 my family is all safely home and heading to bed
650 my daughter is falling in love with a very good man

Am I a fanatic?

I don't think so.  I do believe in going to church every Sunday, even on vacation.  I tried a swear word out loud in a field by myself and it just wasn't worth it.  I dress modestly even when on vacation or doing sports. I don't see rated R movies.  I am uncomfortable with certain books, art, even news.  I don't watch sports and discourage it on Sundays or during family night. I don't have to hear the words of a song to want to turn it off, some just drag me down quick.  I don't think "Sunday music" is just for Sunday.  I know my day goes better when I start with prayer and scripture study.  I have been known to kneel down in the middle of the day to plea for help.  When the prophet tells me something I should or shouldn't do - I try hard to be completely obedient.  I accept callings (though I really need to love and magnify them better).  I do believe that my religion should shine through my every day.

I have been wondering about why I feel so strongly and why others or I may feel judged for choosing this life.  I don't believe I just stop doing my best because others are choosing a different path and might feel judged by my choices.  Why is that?  It seems to be okay to criticize the "religious" for being so righteous.  I worried about being judged as a goody goody.  I want to be good, as good as possible.  I want to worry more about offending God than offending someone here.  That does not mean that I think I am better than anyone else.  I know and recognize that I am not even close.  I have to work very hard to be good and I am sure that we each have our own areas that we are excelling.  We each have our own place on the path.

For me it is not about looking good or being in the right.  It is more about my desire to please my Savior.  It is about my need for his help and when I am doing my best I feel like I can ask for his help.  I need his help. I need the help of angels.  I need the promises that accompany regular temple worship, covenant keeping, scripture reading.  I need to repent regularly and ask if I can please try again.  I know I am not here to earn my own way back to heaven.  I am hear to learn, to grow, to become more like my Savior and to enjoy his gift of the atonement.  I can become clean again.  I can be empowered.  I can be an instrument in his hands to bless the lives of others.  I want to be an influence for good in my family.  I want them to seek God because they see the joy in my life from seeking to please him..

It is not about being better or more worthy or comparing in any way. It is about trying to be the best me I can be with the knowledge that I have.  That was important for me to figure out.  I don't need to feel uncomfortable around people doing other things and I don't need to change my actions to make them more comfortable.  We just learn to respect one another, love one another and cheer each other on.

Some sources that have really helped me are

• Sheri Dew's talk from BYU Women's conference that reminds me I don't want to live below my privileges.  I need all the help I can get.
• I am also trying to figure out my purpose, my mission, even a current goal that I should be working towards and this talk by Elder Richard Scott helps "As you consistently focus your life on the most basic principles, you will gain an understanding of what you are to do, and you will produce more fruit for the Lord and more happiness for yourself"
• I also recently read an article that shared that scripture study should start with prayer, include paper and pencil but also that we should go back and read the notes we have taken and look for patterns.  I just recently finished a journal full of scripture study notes and as I start back in 2011 reading I am amazed and grateful for the insights that still speak to me, teach me and are inspiration specific for me. 
• Let your Faith Show by Elder Russell M. Nelson  "The word religion literally means “to ligate again” or “to tie back” to God.¹The question we might ask ourselves is, are we securely tied to God so that our faith shows, or are we actually tied to something else? "  "In pursuit of their goals, will their religion show or will it be hidden? Are they tied back to God or to man?"  " Truth is truth! It is not divisible, and any part of it cannot be set aside."  "Keeping divine commandments brings blessings, every time! Breaking divine commandments brings a loss of blessings, every time!^{5"  and finally "} Remember that all men have their fears, but those who face their fears with [faith] have courage as well.”^12"

My goal is to be a valiant joyful daughter of God,  I am grateful:
642 for my testimony of Jesus Christ and his restored gospel
643 there is not a limit on how many times I can repent
644 this life is shared with a lot of great people and we get to help each other.