Am I a fanatic?

I don't think so.  I do believe in going to church every Sunday, even on vacation.  I tried a swear word out loud in a field by myself and it just wasn't worth it.  I dress modestly even when on vacation or doing sports. I don't see rated R movies.  I am uncomfortable with certain books, art, even news.  I don't watch sports and discourage it on Sundays or during family night. I don't have to hear the words of a song to want to turn it off, some just drag me down quick.  I don't think "Sunday music" is just for Sunday.  I know my day goes better when I start with prayer and scripture study.  I have been known to kneel down in the middle of the day to plea for help.  When the prophet tells me something I should or shouldn't do - I try hard to be completely obedient.  I accept callings (though I really need to love and magnify them better).  I do believe that my religion should shine through my every day.

I have been wondering about why I feel so strongly and why others or I may feel judged for choosing this life.  I don't believe I just stop doing my best because others are choosing a different path and might feel judged by my choices.  Why is that?  It seems to be okay to criticize the "religious" for being so righteous.  I worried about being judged as a goody goody.  I want to be good, as good as possible.  I want to worry more about offending God than offending someone here.  That does not mean that I think I am better than anyone else.  I know and recognize that I am not even close.  I have to work very hard to be good and I am sure that we each have our own areas that we are excelling.  We each have our own place on the path.

For me it is not about looking good or being in the right.  It is more about my desire to please my Savior.  It is about my need for his help and when I am doing my best I feel like I can ask for his help.  I need his help. I need the help of angels.  I need the promises that accompany regular temple worship, covenant keeping, scripture reading.  I need to repent regularly and ask if I can please try again.  I know I am not here to earn my own way back to heaven.  I am hear to learn, to grow, to become more like my Savior and to enjoy his gift of the atonement.  I can become clean again.  I can be empowered.  I can be an instrument in his hands to bless the lives of others.  I want to be an influence for good in my family.  I want them to seek God because they see the joy in my life from seeking to please him..

It is not about being better or more worthy or comparing in any way. It is about trying to be the best me I can be with the knowledge that I have.  That was important for me to figure out.  I don't need to feel uncomfortable around people doing other things and I don't need to change my actions to make them more comfortable.  We just learn to respect one another, love one another and cheer each other on.

Some sources that have really helped me are

• Sheri Dew's talk from BYU Women's conference that reminds me I don't want to live below my privileges.  I need all the help I can get.
• I am also trying to figure out my purpose, my mission, even a current goal that I should be working towards and this talk by Elder Richard Scott helps "As you consistently focus your life on the most basic principles, you will gain an understanding of what you are to do, and you will produce more fruit for the Lord and more happiness for yourself"
• I also recently read an article that shared that scripture study should start with prayer, include paper and pencil but also that we should go back and read the notes we have taken and look for patterns.  I just recently finished a journal full of scripture study notes and as I start back in 2011 reading I am amazed and grateful for the insights that still speak to me, teach me and are inspiration specific for me. 
• Let your Faith Show by Elder Russell M. Nelson  "The word religion literally means “to ligate again” or “to tie back” to God.¹The question we might ask ourselves is, are we securely tied to God so that our faith shows, or are we actually tied to something else? "  "In pursuit of their goals, will their religion show or will it be hidden? Are they tied back to God or to man?"  " Truth is truth! It is not divisible, and any part of it cannot be set aside."  "Keeping divine commandments brings blessings, every time! Breaking divine commandments brings a loss of blessings, every time!^{5"  and finally "} Remember that all men have their fears, but those who face their fears with [faith] have courage as well.”^12"

My goal is to be a valiant joyful daughter of God,  I am grateful:
642 for my testimony of Jesus Christ and his restored gospel
643 there is not a limit on how many times I can repent
644 this life is shared with a lot of great people and we get to help each other.