Missing Peace

As I spent a morning praying, pondering and seeking answers to my questions about relationships with my family, extended family, friends, leaders, presidency, RS sisters, I am realizing that I need to clean up my inner vessel.  I need and want to better remember who I am, why I am here, and how to hear the promptings of the Holy Ghost.  I want to be cheerful, kind, thoughtful. I want all of that to come from inside. I want to see the good in others, trust that they are doing their best and figure out what my best can and should look like.

I experience some major mood swings and too often am nit picky and critical of others.  That is not how I want to show up. I have not felt united with the Saints but divided in so many ways and am quick to doubt the value of attending sacrament meeting or having any meetings. I am concerned about the spin on COVID 19 and restrictions and masks and losing our freedoms, our ability to connect as humans, our health mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually.  It is hard at times to see the hope or know what I can do to stand for truth and defend liberty. I am tired of being reminded that "these are interesting (difficult, challenging) times".  I know that. I want answers.

I watched this video this morning.  I am reminded that meeting together, even in masks, might still be helping one another.  I am reminded that one way to fight for right is to worship and partake of the sacrament. That no matter how many ridiculous restrictions, the church will go forward.




I am also listening to Because of Christ on Calvary by Brad Wilcox.  He says after Jesus fed the 5000 many followed him for free food. "He tried to lift their vision and expand their desires... Jesus said I am the bread of life. He that cometh to me shall never hunger." The people rejected the spiritual bread.

My thought is that right now I have the chance, the choice to choose Jesus.  Was attending church fully a bit of being given bread and fish? Do I have more responsibility and invitation to come to Christ not just come to church?  Am I about loving his children or being seen as doing my calling? Will he help me see what I need to be doing or doing less? How do I increase discernment? How do I hear him and more fully follow him, depend on him. recognize him, trust that he is taking care of things?

I too often feel not heard.  I wish there was a way to have these conversations with people I know and love but maybe I need to converse more with my Heavenly Father. 

Maybe it starts with counting my blessings.