We enjoyed a fantastic day in Richfield at the regional bike race. Simeon and Debbie are both high school racers this year. Debbie had her best race going from 43 to 23. Simeon did great placing at 21. They sure love racing but also they love the atmosphere and comradery of the team and the races.
It was also General Conference. We got to the course early and decided to fill some empty volunteer spots. Milt and I both volunteered as course marshals. That is where we get to your assigned spot and just sit with a radio and cheer on the riders. It seemed like an ideal place to put my earphones in and listen to conference. But it did not work. The cell service was way too week and I could not listen. I pleaded with Heavenly Father to make it work. I would see 3 bars then 1. I eventually got maybe 1-2 minutes and it was gone. I realized that I would just have to wait. I was a little sad but it was a beautiful day and I learned how to be a course marshal.
By the time the kids finally realized we needed to go, I had listen a little to the afternoon session of conference. It is crazy but I just got angry. I was disappointed with them. I felt like the over-the-mark social distancing and masks that was shown, talked about, demonstrated at conference was surely not sincere. From everything I have heard this pandemic Covid 19 is not as dangerous or deadly as first supposed. It is also not as quick to spread. Are the church leaders just trying to be super politically correct? or is the information that I receive not true? Is there something more to this than anyone is telling? or is it just a way to isolate people, weaken relationships, desensitize humans to one another and make us all feel like we ourselves are a major danger to everyone else? I was angry and questioning if there is any revelation in this overreaching government mandates, kowtowing to any government whim in the name of 'good global citizens' and not encouraging people to seek answers and act accordingly. The example set does not match anything in the world I live in. Why?
There were tears as I questioned my beliefs, my obedience. I know my Father lives and love me. I know I have a savior, Jesus Christ. I have felt the Holy Ghost teach and comfort me. I will never turn on them so why so angry? Have I been doing it all wrong? Am I suppose to hunker down at home and ignore people, responsibilities, callings? Should we cancel all ministering assignments? Is it wrong to think we should continue watch care? Are there some real lessons I have missed because I chose to take the risk of living and loving? Ultimately should I be staying home, avoiding ward council, sacrament meeting, visiting people, welcoming my family into my home, greeting people even if I am in a mask?
Now on Sunday morning I got up early. I started making cinnamon rolls and cheesy eggs and listening to Saturday morning session of General Conference. Finally I am feeling the love of God again. I am being reminded that he is award of me. In fact so much so that I am receiving witness after witness that I am still being guided. I cleaned out my food room yesterday and I am in good shape. I had my stake relief society very kindly call me out on my less than Christlike attitude. I have wondered if we are alone, how things can ever work out and I was reminded that there are more with us than against us. After just one hour, I needed to just feel the truths of what had been shared. I got to be still with my thoughts and my tears and trade feelings of anger for feelings of gratitude and hope.
I am feeling very grateful for living prophets and apostles, leaders who are having similar experiences and especially for the Holy Ghost. He teaches me, is patient with my learn curve and gets me the answers I need when I need them. I don't think I would have got nearly as much out of the first hour of conference if I had been able to access it during the race. Instead, my loving Father in Heaven orchestrated it so I could have the best experience for me. I am truly grateful and looking forward to cinnamon rolls and conference all day today.
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