This year has been eventFull. As I look back on the year we have been so blessed. Dane came home August 3 from faithfully serving a mission in Florida Orlando English speaking mission. Brian and Emily gave birth to their first born - Ella. Then they moved to our town. We enjoyed girls camp in the rain, a pioneer trek as a family at Martin's cove in Wyoming, and a trip to Lake Powell. It was after all this fun when I thought things might slow down and become routine that I had my accident and we got to enjoy a whole new type of blessings in our life.
My simple fall in my parents house has been full of life lessons. I am not the same. I feel differently. My priorities have had a slight change and my outlook is promising, full of promise. It is all rather subtle but very real and the deeper I look, the more I find to learn from. I love it.
Some of the blessings I have felt have been very simple and very rich. I fell on a carpeted staircase. I did not fall a great distance. I figure that for some reason this becoming a serious accident was the Lord's plan and a blessing for me. I don't claim to know why my turn on this earth is not over. When I discovered this song it had new meaning to me because I almost got to spend Christmas with Jesus, whose birthday we celebrate. It doesn't sound like such a bad place to be. I almost wish I were there but I have come to appreciate where I am at right now.
Where I am at right now has grown in depth of meaning. I am grateful to be in my home with a loving family but also to be able to hear, see, understand, stand, walk, eat. I am grateful for friends and extended family. I am grateful for the blessing of having some down time. I have enjoyed few demands and free time to ponder and to learn.
When I think about the blessings of the last 3 months, the biggest for me has to be the love I have felt. I didn't know that I was loved so much. I didn't realize that people noticed me and that they would miss me if I were gone. I don't think that is anyone else's fault. I am surrounded by good people, I just didn't receive the love and friendship they offered me. I doubted my worth, my ability to add value to their life. The gift of so many heart felt hugs, concerns and conversations has added great joy to my life. I have come through this a little apprehensive of what comes next but with an assuriety that I am loved, that my Heavenly Father is aware of me, that others care and whatever my Heavenly Father has prepared or planned for me, I want that to be my plan too. I want to say YES to whatever he needs me to do and be. I want to say YES to people and relationships and time spent being present. I want to remember that I am okay. That my Heavenly Father loves me in all my imperfections and is always there to help me move forward. As a result he has blessed me with angels seen and unseen. I can ask for help. I receieve help. I am never alone. He is in charge and I can have every confidence that no matter what, no matter what, He will make it all work for good.
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I want to be alive, alert. I don't want to feel numb. I will take the good and the bad. It brings richness to life and living. I will ask His will for me today knowing that he will help me be successful, useful in building his kingdom. I will rejoice in the light and in the dark knowing the light comes and that He has blessed me with light that is within me. I can be a source of light too.
I am ok as a simple wife and mother in a small town with a big family. I am doing things that are important and pleasing to my Father and to those around me. My efforts and desires make a difference and are felt for good. He will take me home to him whenever he wants but in the mean time I matter here and now. I have every thing I need at this time to do everything that is required of me. He always blesses us before he asks us to move forward.
Grateful:
- I have a new assignment to learn to love and connect with nature. I love nature from a distance but I do not appreciate the bugs and unseen critters. I am going to express gratitude for them, for all parts of nature and hope that as I do so I will learn to appreciate all parts of me.
- Christmas season is filled with joy and beauty. I especially love the music of Christmas.
- My family loves me and has planned a great family Christmas party full of service, fun, good food, music, gifts and love. Time with family is precious.
- No matter where you find yourself this Christmas you can find JOY because Jesus Christ came to this earth for you!
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