Peace.  I continue to want to learn about peace but I also feel it is so far from me right now. So many things are in limbo. 
Peace is not limbo.
But in limbo I can find peace.
I have a new calling that is now official.  It happened in a unique way, in a unique time. 
On March 8 I was called into the bishop's office and given the calling of relief society president.  I am so grateful for his assurance that this calling came through prayer and inspiration.  That this is what the Lord wants for me and for our ward at this time.  I cried.  I hope someday there is a calling that I get excited about but my experience has been fear, overwhelm, questions, and doubts.  None of those things bring peace.  Peace is a place I have to come to.
That sacred morning my bishop left me with my husband in his office.  I got to have my fall apart moment, receive a blessing from Milt, and then dry my eyes and enter sacrament meeting. 
That was our last sacrament meeting as a ward. 
After 7 weeks of trying to prepare, learn, listen, submit counselors, seek peace, ask questions, cry a little more, plan family events during a time of quarantine and social isolation, navigate the media searching for truth and direction, finish a semester of school, celebrate my 55th birthday, start a new semester, and  then finally have the calling become official by way of an email sent out to the ward that I happen to have missed for the first 24 hours.
I crave peace.
I need peace.
I feel like this has all been an exercise in finding peace amidst the storms. Feeling peace in the upheaval. Seeing peace in the hope that comes through faith. Trusting that there is a plan and that someday I will understand. Believing that I am taking the next right step and that it will all work out.

I am finding peace
- in beautiful spring weather
- in plenty of good food
- in an app that reminds me twice a day to pause and give every thing and every one to Jesus
- in good people who believe I am capable of filling this calling
- in amazing women whom God has chosen to work with me as we serve the women and families of our ward
- in health, order, resources and even the handbook.
But it takes continual seeking to find, trusting and remembering in Jesus and his love for each of us.  As I rely on Him, He will not let me fail.