Me. a work in progress

 

I just finished a session with my therapist doing bilateral stimulation.  I have been on a journey trying to understand and overcome anxiety and depression.  I have been fighting self-doubt that made me critical of others and unhappy with myself. I have found friendship in my therapists and learned ideas and modalities that help change me and my experiences.

Today with Tina I followed a green dot with my eyes as I experienced the negative, and recognized the effects on my emotions, mind, and body. I am choosing another way to see my experiences and hope for my future. I am making a new script filled with hope, trust, and love. I am developing tools to help me. 

Some of my experiences today include letting go of negative experiences by turning my heart up toward God. I am letting Him in. I am requesting that he burn out the negative stories that I have held on to.  Those experiences and the old me are helping me achieve the desired result of love and joy.  I want the confidence that comes from trusting God in my story. He is by my side. He is urging me to try again and he is not sorry when I stumble or fall. He makes it all work for good.  If I can welcome his love for me I can learn to love myself. As I love myself I can freely love others.  I can trust him and love him.  I can choose him first.

In today's session, I envision crossing over a bridge leaving the old hurtful stories behind.  Once across the bridge, I find a waterfall where I can drink the clear water of Christ (living water).  I had access to it before but on the other side of the bridge. More distractions or impurities were mixing in and causing me to doubt. There is plenty of water for me and everyone else.  I am filled with virtue as I fill up with this water or wash in it. I am filled with the power to be all that He sees in me. I can welcome and feel his love for me.  

An issue I am overcoming is self-doubt. As I fill up with living water, I am enough. I have everything I need because I have Christ.  I don't fear because I can make mistakes and it will work out. I can love people where they are. I don't have to correct or be everything for them. I am here to love. I do not have the authority to steady the ark, to make everything alright.  I will not be perfect but perfect is not expected today.  Trying is expected.