We went to see Rogers and Hammerstein's Cinderella at the Hale Center Theater. We love going to this theater where top quality performances with family values are always well done, amazing and fun. It is a theater I would recommend to everyone.
My disappointment came with the 'updates' that have been added to this classic story. Because we are not suppose to think that a young girl should have plans that include ambitions of marriage and family, that a prince would not want to rescue such a simple girl or that she should hope for a good man that wants to take care of her and her take care of him and they have a family together, they have adjusted the story. The idea that traditional roles are not valued or desired but put upon us by society, they changed the story. They made the prince a man who was given something to do that came easy and sounded good but was more of a distraction because he was dumb and not capable of running the kingdom or recognizing the evil of another man that wanted the power. Therefore men are dumb or evil and power hungry. Then there is Cinderella who has a noble agenda that she introduces to the prince so that he will do something good and claim his position again. She uses him to achieve her goals so now they can be happy together. She is even the one to plan out the idea of a lost shoe so he could search for her.
I started listening to a book called
The Burnout Cure for helping Mormon women who realize that motherhood is hard. She begins by speaking of her mother who married at 19 before she had a chance to know who she was or what she wanted in life. I find this so insulting. As if a 19 yo woman can't possible know what she wants and obviously if she did, she would not have chosen to marry and have a family. Choosing to be a wife and mother is not the end of growth and development. It is the beginning of an amazing and rewarding path of growth, challenge, opportunity to love and serve and add value to the world and especially to the people you care most about.
Emily is a young mother of 2 daughters ages 3 and 1 that I recently visited with. She is at home with her girls. She didn't get married until after she had her masters degree. At that point she married and together they have chosen to have her at home to raise their children. Still she wonders at times if she is doing what is best with her life. She has professional training that would be valued in the world and she could be paid well for it. Instead they are making due on one income and things are tight. The world, including some with the best of intentions, are suggesting that she settled and should do something more with her life. Surely she cannot find fulfillment or accomplish her dreams by being a wife and mother.
I find all of these examples frustrating in their limited understanding, lack of value of family, lack of belief in traditional roles and the ability to find fulfillment in raising a family and loving your spouse.
Burnout, exhaustion, doubts, levels of commitment to a chosen path are actually not symptoms of traditional roles only. Anyone in any career path, life choice, relationship is going to have hard days, overwhelming challenges, highs and lows, feelings of not being appreciated as well as the rewarding moments when you experience joy, bliss, reward and accomplishment. Anything worth doing takes effort, fortitude, energy, commitment, vision, goals.
I don't know why being a woman who chooses family is considered such an easy target for people planting doubt and belittling. Wouldn't it be nice to support and value this essential and very hard role. It is also not the end of growth and development. I believe everything we bring to our family-our talents, interests, abilities and continued learning- add value to our family and the goodness that is family life as well as helping us grow and fulfill our dreams.
Wives and moms are the heroes of society the world over. Every time we look down on the choice to be a stay at home mom we tear away at the foundation of society. And what about men? Let's value their choice to support a family, to work hard day after day. What if we discouraged them? Told them they were wasting their gifts and talents by going to work every day and then giving all their earnings to support a family? Think of the glamorous life they could have if they didn't tie themselves down to the traditional role of husband and father. Think of the shallow examples of those who do just that.
I believe that true joy comes in serving others. I don't believe that if we lived all for our self actualization and fulfillment, always putting our dreams, our agenda first would make us happier. I don't believe even the author referenced above's mother is regretting her choice to support and love her husband and have 9 children. Was it easy? No. But which of the children does she wish were never born? Which of their life experiences would have been guaranteed better if they had been born 10 years later? and had less siblings?
Each of us is given the responsibility as well as the gift to choose. Second guessing our choices is a waste of time. We do our best when we make decisions. We do our best to thrive in those decisions and learn that every life experience will be half happy and half sad, half good and half hard. There is oppositions in ALL things. Stop doubting the value of traditional family and the joy that is a huge part of the sacrifice.
Let's support these women in the things they are able to do, help them where we can but never give them reasons to resent their choices or doubt the good they are adding to the world in a quiet way in the home just because it does not include a glamorous paycheck, nice wardrobe or travel benefits.
The benefits of being the best wife and mother you know how to be, of having the goal to keep getting better at it all the time, are immeasurable. Even our mistakes along the way are still opportunities to learn, to seek help from God, to provide real life lessons for ourselves and our loved ones. I know that God sees our heart. As we seek his help and guidance, as we serve those he has blessed us with with a loving heart, what we accomplish is so much more than anything else the world would claim as adding value.
I know that as we set proper and good priorities, God uses us to add even more value to the world. There are plenty of examples of wives and mothers accomplishing amazing and professional things. I believe when we put our family first then the rest falls into place. Because of our priority, we have perspective, experience, foundation that opens up doors in a most appropriate way.
We are not wasting our education, our talents, our time, our energy. We are spending it on those we value most. We are nurturing it and allowing it to grow in ourselves, in our families, in the community and in the world - one family at a time. I know for a fact that as we seek the Lord's direction in all that we do, He will multiply our abilities and our efforts and our influence. Out of small and simply things comes that which is great because he touched us. He gave us the plan of happiness. That plan is all about creating a family and raising that family. He gave us all that we have and are. The more we trust him, partner with him, follow his plan; the more we get to see miracles and be an integral part of those miracles.
I love the truths of phrases such as
- have courage and be kind
- In my own little corner I can be whatever I want to be
- impossible things are happening every day
The power of a mother's love is real. Let it grow in you and share it. As you do the best that you know how, you will be the mom each of your children need and in your own little corner you will be doing the impossible every day.
Though old, I like this version of
Rodger's and Hammerstein's Cinderella. They search for each other, recognize good and the prince doesn't choose her because she is beautiful just on the outside but he looks to who she is inside. She has courage and is kind.
And my kids grew up with
this version
And we have enjoyed Disney's versions of Cinderella.
PS
I just listened to
this great podcast "Choosing Deliberately" and loved it. We don't need to judge other's paths or second guess our own. We need to focus on our core value of following Jesus Christ and then let that journey or path be led by him, knowing that we are not after the accolades of the world but to be useful in building His kingdom in whatever way he wants to use the gifts and opportunities he has given us.
