THIS IS WATER

THIS IS WATER By David Foster Wallace: In 2005, author David Foster Wallace was asked to give the commencement address to the 2005 graduating class of Kenyon College. However, the resulting speech didn't become widely known until 3 years later, after his tragic death. It is, without a doubt, some of the best life advice we've ever come across, and perhaps the most simple and elegant explanation of the real value of education.
We made this video, built around an abridged version of the original audio recording, with the hopes that the core message of the speech could reach a wider audience who might not have otherwise been interested. However, we encourage everyone to seek out the full speech (because, in this case, the book is definitely better than the movie).
-The Glossary

Sim just shared this video with me. (just click on the title to get to the video)  It was great and goes well with my desire to be more present.  When I choose to be present I can choose what to think.  I can choose how to feel.  I can be more aware of those around me and what they might be feeling or dealing with.  I can be more sensitive, helpful, or even simply have a better attitude and more patience realizing that I just do not know enough about what they are facing to make any assumptions.

I feel so much more aware of the many ways I avoid being present. This is just one more way I can choose because I am more aware that it is my choice.

Be there

Catching up with Ann on A Holy Experience.  I have missed her as I haven't read her blog for quite a while but felt to revisit recently. I love her perspective and gratitude.  She sometimes gets a bit wordy but other times I love the way she plays with wordsmithing an idea.  And, of course, I found more reasons and ways to be present.

Exodus

This seems oddly repetitive. If Moses comes up the mountain, wouldn’t he already be there?

Translators interpret the text as simply saying that Moses should “wait there.” One nineteenth century rabbi, however, spun a lovely sermon out of the Bible’s intriguing choice of words, pointing out that there is, in fact, such a thing as going to a place and not actually being there.

there is, in fact, such a thing as going to a place and not actually being there.

He commented, If a person exerts himself and ascends to the summit, it is possible to reach it, while not being there. He stands on the summit of the mountain, but his head is somewhere else.

It’s entirely possible for a person to expend a great deal of energy getting to a destination, yet arrive with their head and thoughts remaining at the original point of departure.

The rabbi imagined that God was telling Moses not only to ascend the mountain but to be there fully, with complete attention and concentration, leaving behind all of his extraneous thoughts.

On the momentous occasion of the giving of the covenant, God wanted Moses to be fully present, in body, mind, and spirit.

I find this very helpful advice for reading the Bible: As you read, do your best to be there.  Lois Tverberg

She also said:

In our cellphone-saturated world, some of us need to go into airplane mode and detox awhile so our heads quit buzzing, just so we can think straight.

I go regularly to "the mountain of the Lord", the Lord's holy temple.  There are times when I am present and beautiful thoughts open up to me and I am taught. There are also times when I just show up but am not as alert and attentive as I should be.  I do feel that just being there still blesses me but it is so much better when I make the effort to be there fully.

Present

Present.  That is my word for 2018.  I want to be present.  I have a habit of  trying to do more than one thing at once which leaves me never doing anything well.  I am on the computer now talking about being present and I am still watching for my phone to sign into another call I'm invited to. I find when I am listening to something I really want to learn from I am often distracted by little things like checking email, the weather, what the kids are doing, if the dog needs to go out.

I want to really enjoy the gifts of life and that requires being present.  I am seeing it in my family.  There is a need to be present with each other.  It is easy for me to be irritated with my husband while he checks Facebook at breakfast or lunch.  Or its my son texting during family meals. Then I realize that I, too, am guilty.

I see myself not always listen to my children or mostly concentrating on what I should say or guessing what they are going to say or what they 'really' mean.

Its a silly waste to not truly be there.  I want to be fully present in the situation that I am in.  I want to be fully authentic and I want to work towards being vulnerable.  To trust that there is time for those things that are most important. Everything will work out and it will work out better if I don't miss it because I was unable to just enjoy the moment.

I don't need to manage every moment and get the most productivity out of each situation because when I do that I miss the beauty, the essence of the truth of the moment or experience and especially of the relationship.

As a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints I was already recognizing an admonition from many of our apostles to put the devices down and have real conversations - face to face.  With the passing of our beloved prophet, Thomas S. Monson, I am able to see so many remembrances about him.  He was truly present and real.  Heidi Swinton, the author of his biography To the Rescue shared this insight.

I love that he took everybody into his inner circle and it didn’t matter if you were watching him on TV or sitting in his office, you felt that way.

She also tells how he was so good at connecting with the one.  The one person mattered. He knew it. They felt it.  He was present.  I want to be present. 

a new calling

I have been the Webelos leader for the last 1.5 years. Ask anyone in my family and they will tell you that it is no secret, I don't care to be in cub scouts.  I feel a little bad about the complaining I have done.  It actually is not that bad and I can see some really good potential with the program. I have developed a relationship with these cubs that makes me proud of them and the opportunity to see them continue on doing good things. We have had some real fun and some learning challenges but mostly when I take time to plan and prepare, it all goes smoothly and I don't mind it at all.

BUT, now I have a new calling and I don't believe I will miss cub scouts at all.  It has been really good to have a wide variety of callings and experiences and now I get to try something totally new.  I have been called to serve as 2nd counselor in our stake Relief Society.  I get to work with some very amazing women that I already admired greatly.  If I am not careful I am easily intimidated by their confidence, knowledge, beauty and testimony.

Relief Society is such a great and noble organization.  They do so much for so many but it still gets a bad rap.  I am not sure why but it is something to easily ignore.  It is easy to forget the divine charge to care for one another and then appreciate the vehicle God put in place to help that process.

So now I get a front row seat.  It is amazing how perspective changes and love enters so fully.  I am amazed as we have had the opportunity to visit with the different RS presidencies. They are fun, capable, sweet, strong women and it is easy to see that they are doing their very best and making a difference in their wards. One blessing I have often seen and am seeing again is that I am remembering a little better the names and faces of people.  It is so fun to be able to call people by name and greet them.  I will hope and pray that I can expand this blessing to help me be vulnerable and able to connect with more people on a personal level.  I would love to be a tool in Heavenly Father's hand that blesses and cheers the lives of others.

Relief Society helps prepare women for the blessings of eternal life as they:

• Increase faith in Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ and His Atonement;
• Strengthen individuals, families, and homes through ordinances and covenants; and
• Work in unity to help those in need.

Thanksgiving weekend

We start our weekend making pies.  This year we made cherry, pumpkin, carmel, pecan, lemon cheesecake, and banana cream.  

Debbie's carmel cream pie

Erica's first pie (cherry)  We knew she would love the creative, artistic part.

 We enjoyed our pie morning at Jay and Lauri's house.  Still lots of fun after all these years.

 Debbie, Simeon, and I had fun decorating the dinner table.  With only 5 of us we had time a room to do things a little bit extra nice.  We even got to enjoy a roast turkey this year. We will be back to BBQ turkey next year and a whole house full of love and people.

 We got to spend some time at Grandma and Grandpa's home.  It was a treat to find the boys with Grandpa showing them cars on his phone while sitting on the counter.  We enjoyed dinner together, played Jokers and Pegs, taught them about When Calls the Heart on Netflix.

 Then we headed downtown to see Savior of the World.  Once again I just love the experience I have every time we go.  Dane and Erica met us there and enjoyed it too.

 Temple square lights!  It was super crowded. We didn't realize it was the night the turn on the lights for the first time of the season.  It was beautiful

Saturday we headed up the mountain for Christmas trees.  It was warm and dry and so easy to wander around the mountain side.

 Emily, Ella and Brian joined us and found a perfect tree.

 my might men hunting and dragging out the Christmas tree.

 and Isaac with Simeon's help caught this fish with their bare hands.  Quite the accomplishment.

 Now the real fun begins as it all comes together in a festive frenzy of decorating and watching Christmas movies like the Santa Clause 2 and Elf.

Inside

So I have been learning more about beauty and want to remember.  On Friday night we got to see The Masque of Beauty and the Beast.  I am wishing I could find the script to get the exact words.  It was a play at a children's theater. When Beauty was getting to know the beast she explains how she is no longer afraid of him. That she doesn't mind the way he looks because she has seen him on the inside.  She has come to know him in a deeper level and the beauty from the inside overshadows the outer looks.

We also listened to the Wide Awake Princess.  It was a fun story mixed with lots of fairy tale characters.  The main character is Sleeping Beauty's sister.  To protect her from a curse the fairies blessed her that no magic would affect her.  She is not blessed with beauty, poise, grace, talent... anything. She is just normal and average.  But being normal and average actually opens up new doors and makes it possible for her to do things others could never do.  It was a fun way to learn to be happy with what you have in your own physical abilities.

I remember advice once given that talked about taking care of yourself, looking your best each morning and then move forward with your day, forgetting yourself at that point and serving others.  Its an important element of living.  Our world is way to concerned about the outside.  How we look, present ourselves to others, impress. . . My goal is to take good care of myself, the best I know how, but then trust that I've done my part and move on to listening to that inner voice.  I want to be more sensitive to what the spirit would have me do and be.

My sister just had her colon taken out last week.  She is in incredible pain.  She has been fighting this difficult situation for years but this last year has been an epic battle just to survive.  She is amazing.  She is hoping for relief but it still may take a few months before she starts to feel somewhat normal.  She showed me her stoma bag and the inside of her small intestine.  It was not pretty but what it is doing and enabling is beautiful.  It was created for a purpose and it is blessing her life.  It is not about how things LOOK. Its about doing what we are created to do.  Fulfilling the measure of our creation and finding the joy in it.

This little body part has taught her so much.  This system of digestion has come to the lime light and received many thanks for years of functioning properly.  But the influence of this inner part has also taught her patience. she has learned that it is okay to be home, take it easy, let others serve you. There are a lot of things we learn as we care for the outside looks but it seems so much more when we focus on the inside physically but also emotionally.  We can build character traits, ask for spiritual gifts. Find purpose in living.  Be more than a decoration. The bonus is as we work on the inside then the outside takes care of itself and a new and real beauty can shine through.

When we forget ourselves and let the Lord take over we can become so much more than we ever dreamed.  I am letting go of this need to control my size (it never worked anyway) and I will trust God to teach me, guide me and walk beside me as his daughter.  Be it unto me according to His word.

Am I fat?

You may have noticed I have been a bit obsessed with weight lately.  I have gained 35 or so pounds in the last year and it has sent me for a loop.  I have never gained weight this easily or tried to hard to lose weight. I have tried programs, plans, foods...  I have exercised daily and tried lots of different forms and measured their worth by making sure I sweat and I had sour muscles.  The results have been a continual weight increase.  I noticed the way body parts rubbed more or couldn't come together like they use to. I couldn't even put boots on the same way because there was this belly in the way.  I felt discouraged, betrayed, confused.  I asked God for help to fix my body. I asked for understanding to know if there was some purpose in what was happening.  I tried to notice everything I could about what was different and also to see others in a more positive light realizing that it was not their size that I admired or loved about them but who they are in the inside.  I hoped I was learning the lessons quickly so I could heal and go back to the size I was year ago.

Halloween costumes.  I was dressed as my husband and did not feel feminine or the size I thought I should be.

Well I am getting answers.  Not the ones I thought I would.  Am I fat? a bit, but so what?  Maybe I am bigger than I have ever been.  Maybe things don't fit the way they used to. Maybe that pile of clothes in my closet that doesn't fit just keeps getting taller.  So what?  I have been able to get new clothes that do fit.  I am still functioning and living a full life.  I am still taking care of my family, serving in my calling, making and keeping friends, having fun, celebrating life.

I am learning a new way of thinking.  I am finding out that my thoughts determine my actions and my results. I am learning that those results don't always look the same as I thought they would, but so what?

I am participating in a bootcamp with Stephanie Webb of Eat Happy Nutrition and I am learning about trusting my body, listening to my intuition, forgiving myself and trusting that it will all work out.  It is so freeing to me to give myself permission to learn through trial and error.  To eat what I want when I want and then make a decision on if I like how I feel afterwards.  My body can teach me what it needs and likes to feel good and serve me!

I am learning to appreciate where I have been, how well my body has served me for 52 years and the amazing things that it has allowed me to do.  It is miraculous.  Sister Marjorie Hinckley is quoted as saying.  The 50s are my favorite years. I am past the comparing and can just enjoy life.  I want to be 50 in the eternities!  I realize that our modern world keeps trying to avoiding aging like it is somehow wrong and something we have to battle daily.  I don't want to battle with myself.  I don't want to work on my abs... I want to work with them.  Each and every part of me is a part of ME that makes me who I am.  I am so grateful to be me.  May God forgive me for the bad things I have said to and about myself.  May he please know that I am so grateful for this body, this life, and the many experiences he allows me to have with lessons all along the way.

So now I am letting go of guilt, expectations, judgments and just seeking to enjoy the journey of life and to love myself and others right where we are.  The rest can take care of itself. Worrying won't help.  Love is where their is real power and joy.

Here I share some of the resources that are helping me with my new view :)
 - Healing = Courage + Action + Grace
 - Line Upon Line, Uncovering our True Selves
 - Body Positivity or Body Obsession