Spring!

So grateful to have warmer weather, life returning to our city and the fun of kids and Easter.

 We had a few kids over to decorate Easter eggs.  They sure are efficient with a white or yellow crayons and then food coloring and vinegar with boiling water.  It worked beautifully.

 We had a park day with extended family.  Seemed like the warmest day yet and we loved spending it in the sunshine with family.

 Bubble machine, food and visiting

 Then the best of the week was the crowning event of General Conference with a solemn assembly, new apostles announced as well as plenty of other changes in priesthood quorums and in ministering.

 General conference was a treat to enjoy with my family.  Sim was still sick but he did his best.  I loved having each of them stand with their quorums as part of the solemn assembly.  This picture was on Saturday but Isaac still dressed up and sat up.

 This creative girl made some sort of goop that is fun to stretch and play with.  It kept her more alert.

 I took to some crocheting.  Sometimes my notes are not that beneficial.  I love reading and marking the talks later and sometimes when I want just listen, some simple handwork works best.

 I have lived in my town for 18 years and never hiked up to the "M" but I got invited to do so on Monday morning.  It was on a time constraint so we hussled.  It was amazing and beautiful with great hiking companions (Elise and kids and Laurie B).  I am grateful to have done it.  The trick now is that Elise says Monday is M day so we need to hike it every Monday.  Its Saturday and the soreness is gone so I guess I should be fine in 2 days to try it again :)

Usually for our Easter tree I gather apple branches. This year Milt made them all into mulch so I went after the lilac bush.  They greened up with lots of spring green leaves but no sign of blossoms. I love the reminder of The Living Christ, new life in the spring and beauty everywhere.

Projects are in earnest at Peter's house with lots of improvement and potential and especially experience for my boys in building.

We are also excited to see this car leave the front yard.  It has been through plenty owners, miles, and repairs and is finally permanently retired.

I want to also share that my front yard has bikes and bikes jumps out front all the time.  I had a sister drop off table cloths and tell me how much it brightens her day to see my yard and the boy fun that is obviously taking place.  She misses it and her adult son is too protective to ever let his boys play this way.  I do believe in lots of outdoor time and even letting them try something a little exciting, new, and just a little dangerous.

The Jordan River Temple renovations are finally complete and we got to go inside and see all the beautiful improvements at the open house.  Elise's family joined us.  I loved seeing my kids pair up with her's and help them through with reverent explanations and  pointing out the beauty as they discovered it.

bus ride to temple

Isaac, Simeon
Debbie, Elise, Jack
Nellie, Lucy, and Josh

Me and my eternal companion

my boys

me with Nellie and Debbie

We had a difficult battle with the flu this year. We have been blessed to avoid most of the stuff that goes around each year but something went through my kids and took its own sweet time.  Simeon keeps saying how glad he is to feel good again. He was down the most but all 3 got it.

The kids have also been having fun singing and dancing.

Debbie is in the white hat and Sim is wearing black suspenders.

They got to do a short audition video for a performing arts camp that had a song clip and a monologue.  Sim shared this for his monologue (see below).  I really liked it and the song he choose (Proud of Your Boy from Aladdin). Debbie did Journey to the Past from Anastasia (celebrating family and home) and "I've got a person in my closet" from Tangled.

The Muppet Movie: Kermit " Yeah, well, I've got a dream too. But it's about singing and dancing and making people happy. That's the kind of dream that gets better the more people you share it with. And, well, I've found a whole bunch of friends who have the same dream. And, well, it kind of makes us like a family. You have anyone like that, Hopper? I mean, once you get all those restaurants, who are you gonna share it with? Who are your friends, Doc? Those guys? ...I don't think you're a bad man, Doc. And I think if you look in your heart, you'll find you really want to let me and my friends go to follow our dream. But if that's not the kind of man you are and if what I'm saying doesn't make any sense to you, well, then, go ahead and kill me."

practice drill

I had an early morning wake up.  At 5:30am I heard an alarm going off.  I tried to ignore it thinking it was my son's and he would turn it off.  I finally got up and found that it was actually coming from the basement CO detector.  Unsure what to do I got my 17 yo son up and asked him to check it and the fire.  The fire did not do well last night and was out.  We opened doors, windows, called my husband who is traveling.  His phone went straight to voice mail.  Called my son who is traveling with him and finally talked to someone. We took down the detector and checked for batteries.  This one doesn't do batteries. We finally called 911 and had 2 fire trucks out front.

They came in with lights spinning around the neighborhood but decided it was not necessary.  We had dressed and come out to the car, dropped Sim off at the temple for baptisms and kept the car going to stay warm.

They sent in to firemen to check the house.  They did a thorough check throughout the house and came back saying all is clear.  That leaves me with some wonderings as to what I am suppose to do to make sure we really are safe.  They checked our detector and said it looked like a good one and to call them again if it goes off again.  Basically that means they're done worrying.  Now its up to us to figure out if there is/was/will be a problem, if we are fine and I don't even know what else I should worry about or check on.  CO is not flammable so we started up our fires around the house and are still trying to warm up.  So far we all seem to be ok.  I have a worse cough than usual and it sometimes becomes violent enough that I think I could throw up but no such luck.  Maybe it is just the power of suggestion.

I am feeling very grateful that we heard the alarm, that my family was able to evacuate and stay calm. I am grateful that I was able to get the emergency help I needed.  I am grateful that we got to practice an emergency situation without having anything go very wrong.  Some things I want to figure out

1. What should I dress in when I don't know if I will be allowed back in the house for hours or more?  (I should have grabbed a heavier coat and my glasses). I even thought about which bra I wanted and if I should wear sweats and be comfy or have some real cloths in case I am not allowed back in for a long time.
2. We should sleep with our doors closed so that a gas is less able to come into our bedrooms.
3. We should get more than just the one detector
4. Maybe we should have grabbed our 72 hour kits (just in case, for good practice)
5. I did think to grab my phone and purse just in case.
6. I should clean my house better every night.  I had strangers and friends (the firemen) wandering every room and closet in my house.  There are some simple things that I could take care of each night and there is the fact that we wouldn't want to have any tripping or injury hazards if we have to get out in the dark.
7. Our furnace area is hard to find.  Is there something I should do to help strangers know where to look?
8. I did realize that our family memories and important documents were not in danger but I did think about the fact that if they were, what would I take?

We all spent several more hours after the "all clear" being out of the house.  If felt right to come back slowly.  It has been 7 hours since that first alarm and nothing else has given us cause to be concerned.  We will hope for the best and I am learning more about carbon monoxide.

accused

Yestesday was rough.  I am learning that it is about perspective.

I received a phone call from a friend who was very angry. She lit into me telling me what a horrible son I had, how dumb and mean all the boys in our town are, how her son was hard working, decent and treated unfairly.

I just listened. She cried. I said I was sorry. I couldn't hold back tears either.  I am super uncomfortable with conflict.  This felt like a direct attack and I didn't know what to do about it.  I have learned to be quiet. Let them have their say and then just give it time.

Unfortunately, though I had serious doubts about her accusations I was hurt and cried a lot.  That tends to upset my family.  By the time this sweet son got home he could tell I was very sad.  As I told him about the call I had received his eyes teared up and with them rolling down his cheek he said I wish I knew what I did wrong.

So here is the story.

The mom tells me that her son, who never gets invited anywhere and just earn money to buy a nice bike so he could be "in", saw my son and his friends.  He headed over to join them, crashed. My son came to him and said, "wow, that was cool" and then started to make fun of him.  All those other boys also came over and made fun of him. Teased him for wearing boots and jeans and a knife on his belt.  Left him to limp home hurt and alone, again.  She was now putting him back together physically and emotionally. She told me my son and my daughter were not nice people. (my daughter was not there).

As I talked to Simeon, his understanding was very different.  They were out biking. They saw this friend and they all headed towards each other.  When the friend crashed they did go over to him. They did say cool. (That is what they do. They compliment the wipe out, they laugh with the boy, it is much more comfortable than coddling and often if they can laugh through the pain they all feel better about mistakes and trying again.).  Sim invited the boy to come riding with them.  He just left the other direction and went home.  None of the boys had any idea that this friend was offended or hurt or sad.

Now what?

We prayed. We gathered up all the other boys and headed to this friend's house.  He welcomed us in.  I could see no visible injuries (which might be why the boys just asked him to join them rather than escorting him home).  We asked the friend to speak first and share what he experienced.  It was nothing as bad as the mom had described.  They boys talked, laughed, shared some of their embarrassing wipe outs. Admitted that they had all ridden in boots and jeans and the danger of having a knife on your belt from first hand experience.

The fact of the matter is that this mom is feeling lonely. The boys are not leaving her son out on purpose. They don't even get together very often. He is free to call them as well. Unfortunately she wouldn't see that the way the boys handled his wreck was actually a very inclusive 'you're one of us' way of dealing with it.  It was a way to help a guy save face.

It occurred to me last night as we were headed to bed that this poor mom is like an injured animal that is hurting and is quick to lash out, to assume that others are out to get her and her family.  It hurt me a lot but I can't really be mad at her.  I got to be her landing spot, her safe place to vent.  Hopefully it helped.

One day she will be ready to learn that these are all good boys.  She will learn that they are not given special privilege because of their name. They had to earn their own bikes too. They work and study and struggle. Someday when she learns some of the very real and difficult challenges these boys are working through with other friends, she might be very grateful that her boy is just lonely and not cutting himself or suicidal.

Someday.

We all have so much we are dealing with.  It is not a competition to see whose life is hardest. We each have our own tailor made life education. It is part of building relationships, building character, practicing courage and kindness. It is especially a chance to repent and to forgive.  We get to learn to love and trust by trial and error. We get hurt. We learn to see the good in every situation (or we just learn that God can find the good, create the good, use it all for our good and his glory)  It would be well to remember that we are all hurting and to just be patient when someone needs to let off some steam.  Somehow I will learn not to take it personally.  Already I am forgiving. I realize that truth wins.  Even if my son had done something wrong, we could learn from it.  This time he did right, very right.  I am so very proud of his tender heart and his courage to move forward in the face of wrongful accusations and try to make things better.

We just don't know what is going on with anyone else.  We don't know what silent battles they are fighting.  Just the other day as I found myself loosing patience with my daughter I found this little reminder that she is a sweet, kind, little girl who is just figuring out the growing up thing. She leaves evidence everywhere of her desire to be happy and bring joy to others. Seek and ye shall find.

What matters in life is not what happens to you but what you remember and how you remember it. I choose to remember that a friend was hurting and we became more aware and were able to be there to help them when they were falling, a safe place to land those punches. Then we can all heal and move forward. This is me. This is us. We are doing the best we know how and we will trust that you are too.

Today I added names to the prayer roll at the temple and added my own additional prayer.  Then I found this article very comforting.  May I Pray for You?

Brightened my day

I began this journey of being present because of what I saw in my family and in the world.  Imagine my surprise to realize that it is more for me than them.  I want to inspire my children to choose to be present but here I am realizing that I have a much bigger problem than I ever imagined.

I like to think that a new awareness is a first step in my present journey.

So I have been very busy in my calling with the Relief Society, my new trainings with Learn Do Become getting my life organized and productive, and my Christmas present of a membership with Bold New Mom where I learn to manage me thoughts and so much more.  It is all very exciting to me and so many truths I want to learn and incorporate.

This is my new, organize command central. I am excited to learn to process all the paperwork, projects, roles. . .

So in all of that I am also feeding my soul with my friend Jacque's blog Lioness at the Door.  I subscribed and get the updates on her blog.  I am guessing this is an original poem by her. It fits so nicely into my Be Present goal.

To love where we are,
what we have.

When young and alive,
Full of hope and ambition
We look to the time when we’ll take to our wings!

In looking out forward,
We miss the fleet moments
As carefree, light days pass away on a breeze.

In times that come later,
With risks and hard working
We look back to childhood
And wish to be there.

Being present with loved ones
The sages remind us,
Is key to life’s grandeur
enjoyment and bliss!

Glance forward and plan things,
But don’t lose your balance
Lest looking away, takes your eye
Off the now.

Glance backward for learning,
But just for a moment
So living right now we can savor and own
All the gifts that life gives when we fully attend.

Forgive all the past,
Nod with hope to tomorrow
While living, heart open,
In the stark-standing now.

So in all those good things I am especially wanting to be present with feeling and being guided by the Holy Ghost. I feel there is so much more I could be learning and doing with his help. I just need to listen.

My experience today was unique but I hope it was my learning to listen better. I was at Walmart near the produce section. There was a couple there carrying a basket and I heard her say "We don't really need the pickles. Are you okay with that?"  My instinct said that they were having to be very careful and choose between pickles and something else they wanted.  I felt I should give them $20.

I fought the urge. It was awkward. How do you do that? Maybe I could sneak it into their basket.  But they were quickly walking to the check out by now.  Maybe while they are in line. No, they went to the self service.  I almost walked away thinking I had missed the opportunity. Then I declared that I would do what I was told and do it now.  I went over to her. Tapped her on the shoulder holding my $20 and said "Will you take this?"

She said "Sure".

I said, "Thanks". and walked away quickly. I was even a little embarrassed.  I knew I was being a little strange.  I was just hoping that maybe I was an answer to a prayer. Maybe I made a difference.  I don't know. I don't expect to ever see them again and I don't know that I would recognize them.  I do secretly smile that no matter what I may have brightened someones day. It was kind of fun and, guess what?  It brighten my day!

THIS IS WATER

THIS IS WATER By David Foster Wallace: In 2005, author David Foster Wallace was asked to give the commencement address to the 2005 graduating class of Kenyon College. However, the resulting speech didn't become widely known until 3 years later, after his tragic death. It is, without a doubt, some of the best life advice we've ever come across, and perhaps the most simple and elegant explanation of the real value of education.
We made this video, built around an abridged version of the original audio recording, with the hopes that the core message of the speech could reach a wider audience who might not have otherwise been interested. However, we encourage everyone to seek out the full speech (because, in this case, the book is definitely better than the movie).
-The Glossary

Sim just shared this video with me. (just click on the title to get to the video)  It was great and goes well with my desire to be more present.  When I choose to be present I can choose what to think.  I can choose how to feel.  I can be more aware of those around me and what they might be feeling or dealing with.  I can be more sensitive, helpful, or even simply have a better attitude and more patience realizing that I just do not know enough about what they are facing to make any assumptions.

I feel so much more aware of the many ways I avoid being present. This is just one more way I can choose because I am more aware that it is my choice.

Be there

Catching up with Ann on A Holy Experience.  I have missed her as I haven't read her blog for quite a while but felt to revisit recently. I love her perspective and gratitude.  She sometimes gets a bit wordy but other times I love the way she plays with wordsmithing an idea.  And, of course, I found more reasons and ways to be present.

Exodus

This seems oddly repetitive. If Moses comes up the mountain, wouldn’t he already be there?

Translators interpret the text as simply saying that Moses should “wait there.” One nineteenth century rabbi, however, spun a lovely sermon out of the Bible’s intriguing choice of words, pointing out that there is, in fact, such a thing as going to a place and not actually being there.

there is, in fact, such a thing as going to a place and not actually being there.

He commented, If a person exerts himself and ascends to the summit, it is possible to reach it, while not being there. He stands on the summit of the mountain, but his head is somewhere else.

It’s entirely possible for a person to expend a great deal of energy getting to a destination, yet arrive with their head and thoughts remaining at the original point of departure.

The rabbi imagined that God was telling Moses not only to ascend the mountain but to be there fully, with complete attention and concentration, leaving behind all of his extraneous thoughts.

On the momentous occasion of the giving of the covenant, God wanted Moses to be fully present, in body, mind, and spirit.

I find this very helpful advice for reading the Bible: As you read, do your best to be there.  Lois Tverberg

She also said:

In our cellphone-saturated world, some of us need to go into airplane mode and detox awhile so our heads quit buzzing, just so we can think straight.

I go regularly to "the mountain of the Lord", the Lord's holy temple.  There are times when I am present and beautiful thoughts open up to me and I am taught. There are also times when I just show up but am not as alert and attentive as I should be.  I do feel that just being there still blesses me but it is so much better when I make the effort to be there fully.

Present

Present.  That is my word for 2018.  I want to be present.  I have a habit of  trying to do more than one thing at once which leaves me never doing anything well.  I am on the computer now talking about being present and I am still watching for my phone to sign into another call I'm invited to. I find when I am listening to something I really want to learn from I am often distracted by little things like checking email, the weather, what the kids are doing, if the dog needs to go out.

I want to really enjoy the gifts of life and that requires being present.  I am seeing it in my family.  There is a need to be present with each other.  It is easy for me to be irritated with my husband while he checks Facebook at breakfast or lunch.  Or its my son texting during family meals. Then I realize that I, too, am guilty.

I see myself not always listen to my children or mostly concentrating on what I should say or guessing what they are going to say or what they 'really' mean.

Its a silly waste to not truly be there.  I want to be fully present in the situation that I am in.  I want to be fully authentic and I want to work towards being vulnerable.  To trust that there is time for those things that are most important. Everything will work out and it will work out better if I don't miss it because I was unable to just enjoy the moment.

I don't need to manage every moment and get the most productivity out of each situation because when I do that I miss the beauty, the essence of the truth of the moment or experience and especially of the relationship.

As a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints I was already recognizing an admonition from many of our apostles to put the devices down and have real conversations - face to face.  With the passing of our beloved prophet, Thomas S. Monson, I am able to see so many remembrances about him.  He was truly present and real.  Heidi Swinton, the author of his biography To the Rescue shared this insight.

I love that he took everybody into his inner circle and it didn’t matter if you were watching him on TV or sitting in his office, you felt that way.

She also tells how he was so good at connecting with the one.  The one person mattered. He knew it. They felt it.  He was present.  I want to be present.