by wisdom or sorrow

We are in week four of the second semester.  I have two sons attending Williamsburg (academy and intermediate).  They are amazing online accredited schools that are interactive, fun, challenging and fuel the desire for education.  They also require a lot, at least a lot more than my sons are use to doing.  They are not lazy or slow but reading and composition continue to be things we all wish we were much better at.  As last semester came to a frenzied and very stressful end we were all very grateful.  With high hopes of keeping on task, on schedule, we began another semester.

So here we are in week four and the excitement is wearing.  They are both doing better but are already beginning to slip a little and wish for more free time.  I understand.  Isaac is new at all this and gets so distracted easily by a read aloud with the younger kids or someone at the door.  By 3:00 he wants to be done and thinks he is but when we review the day he still has some things to finish up.  It seems that if you are not actively pressing forward in getting things done then you are falling behind.  Not fair maybe but still a fact.

Today I was reading Act as an Agent, Not an Object from our stake presidency.  Dane had just explained why it was so hard to keep up in Chemistry when I read this sentence.

We can either learn by wisdom or learn by sorrow.

Ah ha.
That is what we had to choose between.  We can learn by wisdom by being agents and choosing to stay on track or even get ahead. We could learn by wisdom when we are the ones motivating and choosing to act.  When we simply wait for the deadline and then have marathon homework days we are learning by sorrow.  It goes on to say:

Learning by wisdom means yielding to the spirit of God and acting with obedience Learning by sorrow means accepting the role of an object and choosing the enticings of Satan and experiencing the consequences that always follow, until we learn to shun sin and choose obedience.

I'm quite sure that the answer is that simple.  We can choose obedience and reap the blessings or we can procrastinate, give in to the current desires and receive those consequences.

Grateful:
587 Healing = Courage +Action + Grace  a talk by Jonathan G. Sandberg.  I seem go be finding many sources for the truth that action must be part of a joyful life.
588    “Let us have the courage to defy the consensus, the courage to stand for principle. Courage, not compromise, brings the smile of God’s approval. Courage becomes a living and an attractive virtue when it is regarded not only as a willingness to die manfully, but as the determination to live decently. A moral coward is one who is afraid to do what he thinks is right because others will disapprove or laugh. Remember that all men have their fears, but those who face their fears with dignity have courage as well.”^{11  Thomas Monson}
589 We received snow all day long.  It is so beautiful and needed.
590 face book is helping my family plan a celebration for my parents 50th wedding anniversary.
591 the young men in our ward are each assigned a widow or elderly couple to handle snow removel for the walks and driveways.  It is a great responsibility and opportunity for my sons.  Hoping they still get to my walks and driveway.

Saying Yes

I'm continuing the Yes.

Yesterday a friend offered to help me shop.  I'm not a very good shopper. I doubt my own taste.  I'm slow to make decisions.  I figure I'm rather boring to shop with.  I said Yes and Thank You and it was good.  Probably not the fun shopping that other women have but I was grateful for it.  I tried to give her gas money but she refused. (We all could become better receivers).  I did feel a desire to at least give her a hug.  I don't usually initiate hugs but I said Yes to the feeling and gave her a hug.  Yeah!

Today at church I had the feeling to give a hug to the sweet young mom of six that sat down next to me.  I didn't want to intrude or assume and missed the opportunity.  That time I said No and was immediately sorry.

I'm realizing that I should say Yes to some of the little promptings that involve just me.  For instance, my bed is warm and soft and I like being there.  I'm blessed to have my alarm go off and not feel very tired at 5 am.  If I do get up I get some personal study time with the words of the scriptures and living prophets.  I get time to exercise also.  Too often I say No, reach over and turn off the alarm and wait a while which usually turns into another hour. It is my goal to say Yes to my original goal I made when I set the alarm.  I'm going to get up, even if it is cold.  I have noticed that if I just do it, it is not as cold as I thought and my whole day goes better.  So here is to saying Yes to inspired wake up times.

I have been saying Yes to one more game of hide 'n go seek in the dark with my kids.  They absolutely love it.  We go in the basement, take turns being it. It counts to 60 while the rest of us hide.  It searches until everyone has been found.  I don't like to be it.  I get nervous about what I'll touch in the dark or who might jump out.  I said Yes to my turn to be it. Being it wasn't so bad.  Sometimes saying Yes to a simple game creates happy memories for my children that are priceless and all I had to do was say Yes.

Grateful
581 It is never to late to keep doing something good, or start something good.
582 Heavenly Father loves me.  I am his daughter.
583 I am an agent not an object
584 Peter and Rachel are coming to Sunday dinner.  She is so great.  He is too.  It is fun to have a 22 yo son falling in love.
585 We still have plenty wood to warm the house.  This year the boys didn't get as much split and brought up to the house while the weather was warm so they get to enjoy the idea that wood warms you twice.  The work of splitting and hauling and then again when you burn it.
586 Simeon and Debbie bundled up and walked to church.  We had some leadership training this morning early and the young ones at home got themselves all ready for church and then out the door to get there on time.  So proud and grateful for them.

repost: validation

I love this message.  I found it on my blog from six years ago and knew it was time to post it again.  And may I say "You are great!"

My father was very good at this.  He was always free to tell me I  looked great.  He often did so in a phone call long before face time.  He just did so to make me smile.  I appreciate his love and great sense of loving people.

I am for life and for love

I've been thinking about life.  About birth.  About a parents love and I am grateful.

When a man and woman come together as husband and wife, they become one.  It is a process.  Something they grow into.  As they are becoming one in many ways, often love overflows and a seed is planted in the womb.  For the first little while no one even knows it is there but it begins to grow.  In a proper setting when God's plan for families has been followed that seed is discovered and rejoiced over.  The preparations begin as does the love for this unknown baby.

Parents in this situation feel the already love this child but when the child is born an amazing increase of love begins.  As they parents sacrifice, care for, teach, and see their child grow - their love grows.  It is a miraculous thing to witness because often you though you had great love and yet it is now even greater.

When a child is unwanted.  When maybe the situation or timing is inconvenient a seed may still be planted.  It will grow unnoticed until noticing is necessary.  Maybe in this situation the parents are unaware that with the growth of the baby a tiny seed of love is planted.  They may refuse to nourish this seed of love.  We are told that many choose to eliminate this life growing within.  They don't want "it".  They don't and won't love "it". It is better off dead so that the parent can continue in the stagnant situation they have chosen.  Or they are sure that their chosen path is the best and they can avoid consequences that in fact God can turn for their good.  They don't realize that  there is a seed of love also planted in their hearts.  They squash it and ignore it.  Love endureth all things.  It will grow.

The idea that the life of that child would not have been worth living or that the parents could never learn to love a child that came at an inconvenient time or that the life of this child could not truly bless another family is a lie.

God can work with the smallest desire, the smallest willing heart that will consider that this child, created in the image of God in partnership with Him is of worth - infinite worth.

This is my sweet daughter.  She was born when I was 41 years old.  She is my 8th child, my 9th pregancy.  She came with a small birthmark on her cheek that reminded me of the love she brought with her and continues to share.  She was not a mistake, an oops.  I am not sorry that I am still raising young children 'at my age'.  I cannot and will not imagine life being any better or more fulfilling or more successful if I didn't have her.  She is my joy as are all my children.   It is not easy but it is not all about me and what I want.

I have discovered that the more I give, the more I lose myself in the family relationships, the more I actually have.  As families become smaller for convenience or any other selfish reason, as women think that ending the life of any child is an option I feel sorry for them.  They are limiting their growth, their love, their success in this life and their joy in the world to come.

Grateful:
574 The Family: A Proclamation to the World is God's word and God's plan of happiness.  We are Heavenly Father's purpose in creating the world
575 Though pregnancy and parenthood are hard on a body I am grateful to have the scars and wrinkles, stretchmarks, and grey hair and pouchy belly that are my badges of having done something bigger than myself.
576 Most people in fact love children and especially their own children.  As it should be.
577 When we allow parents the rights and responsibilities to care for and raise their children, they will rise to the job.
578 People are good and want to be better.
579 If more people would put family first then most problems would take care of themselves.
580 Our capacity to love and serve grows as we nurture the love, the relationships, the opportunities.  It really is infinite as God shares his love with us.

connecting

In my efforts to strengthen and enjoy my family more I have been exploring ways to connect with family.  Most of my immediate family are not real fond of facebook.  I have 4 adult children living away from home and it is too easy to let our own busy lives take priority. I realize my own weakness here so I am trying to find doable ways to connect.  I started a google + group hoping that might work and we are still figuring that one out.  Not going as well as I hoped but maybe growing slowly will be real growth.

Sunday evening Milt and I sat at the kitchen table and called each of our adult children and enjoyed visiting with them.  We took time to visit with daughters and their husbands and it was so fun.  I have an amazing family and am ready to do whatever it takes to nurture relationships.

One of my favorite moments of the calls was talking to Elise and John.  We were doing a face-time call and their children were in bed.  Elise and John were having fun playing their guitar and ukulele.  They performed a song for us they had been practicing.  While John concentrated on his guitar playing, Elise sang.  She looked so happy and sang so beautifully and was filled with so much love for her husband.

Calling was definitely worth the effort. Next time we will have to aim at a time when the grandchildrens are still up

Grateful:

571 smart phones

572 learning to use smart phones in a smarter way

573 Sim practicing piano first thing in the morning then rushing off to do his math

It worked!

I have a dear friend I have been needing to connect to.  She said let's get together several weeks ago.  I must have hesitated because she finished with "You let me know when you're available".  Well, I said okay and let time slide.  Today I tried to repent and asked her to lunch.  She had been sick (sorry I hadn't known or checked sooner) but was venturing out to the temple.  She invited me to join her.  This was all  just texting.  I typed in "I'll try" when I remember YES and quickly changed it to "I will".

I can't tell you how good it felt to just make the commitment and then do it.  The time was not what I would have picked but it worked out great.  I said yes and I did it :)

I am feeling the need to connect with old friends and family more and so I started a closed family group on google + .  It works a lot like facebook but isn't.  It can be used through emails, on phone or whatever.  I like that my 12 year old can be a part of it without having to get a facebook account and the added concerns that could be there.  I am also trying to just connect with friends more.  A big HI. A random text. A quick email.  I don't want to expect time from their busy schedule.  I just want to be a blessing in their life.  I just want to be a reminder that they are loved and remembered.  So many of us feel so alone.  I have learned that I'm not the only one that says "I don't really have a best friend, just some acquaintances and family".  We are all busy but we all need love.  Love doesn't take a lot of time.  Love can just be shared by thinking of others and acting on a simple idea.

So the other day I was messaging briefly with an old high school friend.  We talked about how if we aren't climbing then we usually are slipping down hill.  She said she is tired of climbing.  The idea that life takes effort, good things take effort, progressing takes effort is on my mind.  I'm hoping to share a few more thoughts sometime soon.

Isaac's nature notebook for this semester.  No guessing what he thinks a lot about.  He starts horsemanship lessons today.  Sure is fun to help dreams come true.

Grateful:
566 Isaac's passion for horses and his really cute smile
567 Mary Emma and Company by Ralph Moody, Makes me grateful for great women who work hard together with their family to succeed
568 I got 2 comments on my last post.  People out there still read simple blogs and share the love of effort and life.
569 Clear, beautiful spring like day in January.  Loving it and praying for more winter, more snow.
570 I'm getting a whole new living room.  I'll share later.

a word

I have enjoyed in past January's choosing a word to learn about, work on, implement and enjoy.  This year I have become increasingly aware that I don't like to say yes to commitments.  I have made covenants, vows and changes in my life.  It is actually the little things that I have a hard time committing to - such as a favorite color.  I usually leave myself an "out" in case I change my mind, in case I find something else I want to do, or in case I'm not good good enough and we find someone else who is better.

Yes, you are right.  That is silly and weak.  I'm realizing this and thinking that maybe my word for this year should be "Yes".  I should be willing to just say "yes, I'll be there," "yes, I'll do that for you", "yes, I really like that look".  Then I remember that I can't even remember last years word.  I had such high hopes and good intentions.  I put a word out there and confessed/committed that I would be working on that word.  So then I doubt myself again.

There comes a time when you just have to say okay.  I'll do it.  I'll make a commitment.  So once again, I think I want my word to be Yes.

Yes,  I will.

Yes, I can.

Yes, I do.

I'm still doubting but I am thinking that with faith and guidance I can say yes to only the best of things and then count on my Heavenly Father to enable to me keep my Yes's true.

So then I realize that we have become a family of 'good enough'.  So many times I stop a project or goal saying, "that's good enough".  It didn't bother me so much because it allowed me to make course changes along the way.  I could use the excuse that my own judgement of 'done' was enough.  It bothers me when I see my children settling for good enough.  It hurts to recognize that they may have learned this mediocrity from me.  My last exercise program was a 12 week weight lifting program.  It hurt at times.  It was hard. It felt like more than I needed but I practiced finishing the reps. I said yes to finishing.  It was foreign to me but it felt right.

So our family word for this year will be finish.  Be a finisher.  Finish the eagle scout. Finish the goal of saving money.  Finish cleaning the whole bathroom.  Finish the laundry by folding and putting it away.  Finish the kitchen clean up to include wiping counters and sweeping the floor.  I'm getting a little excited about the possibility.  We could really get some good things done - all the way.  We will develop good habits and I will learn that with my yes comes a commitment to finish.

So in my effort to keep life sweet and simple I will seek out good things to say yes to. I will understand what is expected or have faith that the outcome is worth whatever may be encountered along the way and then I will say yes or no.  "Maybe" is not longer an acceptable answer.

And when I make mistakes I will simply repent, forgive, and move forward.