In the desire to make our kids more familiar with technology, our school district has provided ipads for every student. It has created more hardship, heart ache and entitlement than anything I have every seen come out of our poor confused, misguided school system. They want the kids to be dependant on their ipads to be successful in school. As a result the students find many more ways to cut corners to limit their progress. Books are read to them. They can voice record to text their reports and school work. They have developed a hate for math. Parents are left in the dark because teachers are not all on the same page as to how to share student progress. We are suppose to be able to log in to canvas and powerschool but there are so many logins and passwords that I really can't keep up and the teachers can't seem to decide which system they want to use so I don't really know which system I need to keep track of. That is just some of the academic side of things.
On the other side is the way students go around all the safety things. They text friends all hours of the day and night. They find inappropriate pictures. They waste time on crazy videos. These were given to the students so they then experience entitlement. They think they should be in charge and have access at all times to their ipads. They almost worship them and then they mistreat them. I have seen kids spinning them, hanging them on a part of the "protective" layers, throw them in the air and hope to catch them before they hit the driveway. They take inappropriate, or mean or just distraction pictures. They have no respect for the investment made in their behalf or any gratitude for the intent with which it was made. I am frustrated and angry at this decision that I feel is forced on every family that gives them a whole other realm of things to worry about and fight. I am not impressed and not grateful. I feel kids learn technology plenty fast and this idea is simply backfiring on the kids and their families.
My husband loves me. I know that. He tells me. He shows me. 32 years ago I gave myself to him. I turned over myself to him. I depend on him to care for me as together we have had the opportunity to see the miracles and wonders of creating other human beings. He has supported me in caring for our children, loving them, providing for them. He has always supported me in staying at home. He does not ask me to account for my time at home. He trusts me. I trust him to be the rock, the strength, the leader and the provider. Our system has worked magnificently. We both feel loved, appreciated, needed and respected.
When I shared my feelings about costing him too much money when I wrecked the car, he simply said, "We're a team." We really are a team. We are on the same team and we help and support each other. When one is weak then the other lifts. We are never left out in the cold. We always have someone cheering us on and picking us up. We feel truly needed and cherished. It really is God's plan of happiness that has a man and a woman leave their home, their parents and cleave to one another. It is the best way to achieve unity in marriage and a stable home to welcome children to. In Doctrine and Covenants 42: 22 Thou shalt love thy wife with all thy heart, and shalt cleave unto her and none else. A friend recently brought this to my attention. There is only one other that we are commanded to love in such a way.
And he answering said, Thou shalt love the Lord thyGodwithallthyheart, and withallthy soul, and withall thy strength, and withallthymind; and thy neighbour as thyself.
and Mark 12:30 and Matthew 22:37 and D&C 59:5.
That is serious. As wives, we give ourselves to them, which we can do confidently and happily because they are loving us with all their heart. The other side of that equation is that we, as recipients of that love, need to be working on being Christlike. If my husband is to love God and me with all his heart then I am in pretty amazing company and I have a very important calling to do all I can to love and serve him. To honor him and to see in him the great potential as well as the great effort he makes, just as God sees the good in each of us and helps us be our best selves.
If we each give 100% and look for the good in the other person, miracles happen - and so does JOY. Ensign article
It has been one week since my last accident. I almost feel like I am confessing my sins at an AA meeting. Yes, I was in an accident, a car accident. And it was my fault. I was following my 15yo son home on his bike, it was snowing. I was two blocks from home. I had a yield sign and the driver coming from my right did not. I honestly never saw him until after he T-boned me with his big truck. We were both only going 20 mph or less. I was the only person in my car. Neither of us were hurt. He was kind enough to come put his arm around me and ask if I was ok. I was fine. He was fine. Isaac came riding back on his bike quickly. He heard the accident and I think it scared him a bit but he is fine too.
I was able to drive home. By then I was surrounded by family, Emily, Elise, my little ones. Elise helped fill out paper work and make phone calls. She is pretty helpful that way. I was still shaking.
I am struggling. We went through the whole "At least you are okay and no one was hurt" thing but now this week as we realize that the car is totaled and we will get no help from the insurance, I am feeling less than. We are shopping for another wreck that we can piece together with this one and have a good car again. My problem is that I am tired of being the one to worry others. I don't want large amounts of money and time spent because I coasted through a yield sign. I have a loving husband who never complains about my mistakes and would do anything for me. I know that. I realize that the negative and convicting thoughts are coming just from me, but they are so real and strong. And I just don't feel very strong. One side of me says I'll just stay home, I'm not a safe driver anyway. I don't deserve to have a car. Then another voice tells me I'll just be a burden. I need to be independent and helpful. I need to be a contributor and not just a leech. I don't work. I don't bring in any kind of financial benefit to our household but I do work hard and I have raised great kids and created a loving home. I know no one else is complaining but I just want to be better. I want to be more.
Today I went to the dentist for 2 fillings. The dental assistant asked about my family. She thinks I'm amazing to still be raising children. It is just what I do. Then the dentist let me have my work done without the pain killing shots and it wasn't bad. He thought I was very brave to handle that, even just mentally. I am grateful for the victories of today. I know I'm not a bad person but fighting the negative feelings can be such an uphill battle. I wish surviving was enough of an accomplishment but I feel driven to something better. Something that says I have meaning and purpose. I bring value to other people's lives. I want to progress and I guess that means feeling hard things and learning from them.
Maybe if I think about light and love and joy and goodness then God can shed some healing light on my understanding. I am so grateful for light.
Light! Light is the word I have chosen for 2017 and I am so excited. As I have had the opportunity to be grateful to still be on this planet I have had a desire grow in my heart to be a source of love and light. As I think about light I am very excited to learn, understand, be, receive, reflect and share light.
There is so much to know and understand about light. I hope to share here a bit of my journey. Today I was blessed with an opening hymn in sacrament meeting that was all about light You Can Make the Pathway Bright
Lyrics
1. You can make the pathway bright,
Fill the soul with heaven's light,
If there's sunshine in your heart;
Turning darkness into day,
As the shadows fly away,
If there's sunshine in your heart today.
(Chorus)
If there's sunshine in your heart,
You can send a shining ray
That will turn the night to day;
And your cares will all depart,
If there's sunshine in your heart today.
2. You can speak the gentle word
To the heart with anger stirred,
If there's sunshine in your heart;
Tho it seems a little thing,
It will heaven's blessings bring,
If there's sunshine in your heart today.
3. You can do a kindly deed
To your neighbor in his need,
If there's sunshine in your heart;
And his burden you will share
As you lift his load of care,
If there's sunshine in your heart today.
4. You can live a happy life
In this world of toil and strife,
If there's sunshine in your heart;
And your soul will glow with love
From the perfect Light above,
If there's sunshine in your heart today.
Text: Helen Silcott Dungan, ca. 1899
Music: James M. Dungan, 1851-1925
I thought about commenting on so many of these ideas but I think we will just trust that they will plant in your heart and there flourish and grow. Having light in your heart really can bless and accomplish so much. It is going to be a great year!
A friend in need is a friend in deed. When I needed a friend and didn't even realize it, Heavenly Father blessed me with Laurie. Laurie Bishop is a very good friend of mine. She snuck this picture on an early morning walk and then posted it on facebook.
Though we don't look beautiful and put together, we are real and genuine. That is how our friendship is. There is no need to put up a front or pretend in any way. Its a safe place for which I am so grateful.
Laurie is one of those people who loves others and gives everything. I think she was guided to know that I needed a friend. She initiated things together, like walking every morning at 5:45 which got me up and moving and provided a platform for sharing hopes, dreams, and insights. She always acted like I was doing her a favor and yet I know that she has pulled me out of my cave, out of my comfort zone, out of my pity party where I thought I had no friends and welcomed me into her family, her friends and her life. We have had so much fun over the years. Our children have become best of friends too. It is so good to have friends with common interests, goals, and especially standards.
When I had my accident in August, Laurie did not forget me nor did she let me hide or sit home. She called or came by daily. We went on walks together where she would push a wheelchair so that when I had done as much as I could, she would push me. We advanced to a cane and then to just holding her arm when necessary. Each small and slow step of the way she treated me like I was someone special. She treated me with a value and worth that I didn't always feel and it was a huge and happy part of each day.
I am so grateful for her. Glad she has taught me what a true friend is and has always been there for me. She has taught me patience. She has taught me unconditional love. She has taught me that it is fun to share insights and "ah ha's" as well as fears and concerns. We share our journey from large family mother to grandmother and mother in law with all of its new challenges and joys. We have shared our callings and attitudes as we accept the challenge of new callings and new wards. I know when she is around I have a good friend nearby who truly would do anything for me. I hope and pray that she realizes her worth and that I, too, would do anything for her. I look up to her and would love to be more like her in so many ways. She is my friend, my teacher, my hero and my sister.
We didn't get around to a Christmas card and letter. I guess I didn't get to it. No one else does it but they do usually help sign cards and are in pictures. I can't help but feel that I would be ungrateful if I did not share a little bit about some of the gifts of this season and year.
This year has been eventFull. As I look back on the year we have been so blessed. Dane came home August 3 from faithfully serving a mission in Florida Orlando English speaking mission. Brian and Emily gave birth to their first born - Ella. Then they moved to our town. We enjoyed girls camp in the rain, a pioneer trek as a family at Martin's cove in Wyoming, and a trip to Lake Powell. It was after all this fun when I thought things might slow down and become routine that I had my accident and we got to enjoy a whole new type of blessings in our life.
My simple fall in my parents house has been full of life lessons. I am not the same. I feel differently. My priorities have had a slight change and my outlook is promising, full of promise. It is all rather subtle but very real and the deeper I look, the more I find to learn from. I love it.
Some of the blessings I have felt have been very simple and very rich. I fell on a carpeted staircase. I did not fall a great distance. I figure that for some reason this becoming a serious accident was the Lord's plan and a blessing for me. I don't claim to know why my turn on this earth is not over. When I discovered this song it had new meaning to me because I almost got to spend Christmas with Jesus, whose birthday we celebrate. It doesn't sound like such a bad place to be. I almost wish I were there but I have come to appreciate where I am at right now.
Where I am at right now has grown in depth of meaning. I am grateful to be in my home with a loving family but also to be able to hear, see, understand, stand, walk, eat. I am grateful for friends and extended family. I am grateful for the blessing of having some down time. I have enjoyed few demands and free time to ponder and to learn.
When I think about the blessings of the last 3 months, the biggest for me has to be the love I have felt. I didn't know that I was loved so much. I didn't realize that people noticed me and that they would miss me if I were gone. I don't think that is anyone else's fault. I am surrounded by good people, I just didn't receive the love and friendship they offered me. I doubted my worth, my ability to add value to their life. The gift of so many heart felt hugs, concerns and conversations has added great joy to my life. I have come through this a little apprehensive of what comes next but with an assuriety that I am loved, that my Heavenly Father is aware of me, that others care and whatever my Heavenly Father has prepared or planned for me, I want that to be my plan too. I want to say YES to whatever he needs me to do and be. I want to say YES to people and relationships and time spent being present. I want to remember that I am okay. That my Heavenly Father loves me in all my imperfections and is always there to help me move forward. As a result he has blessed me with angels seen and unseen. I can ask for help. I receieve help. I am never alone. He is in charge and I can have every confidence that no matter what, no matter what,He will make it all work for good.
video
I want to be alive, alert. I don't want to feel numb. I will take the good and the bad. It brings richness to life and living. I will ask His will for me today knowing that he will help me be successful, useful in building his kingdom. I will rejoice in the light and in the dark knowing the light comes and that He has blessed me with light that is within me. I can be a source of light too.
I am ok as a simple wife and mother in a small town with a big family. I am doing things that are important and pleasing to my Father and to those around me. My efforts and desires make a difference and are felt for good. He will take me home to him whenever he wants but in the mean time I matter here and now. I have every thing I need at this time to do everything that is required of me. He always blesses us before he asks us to move forward.
Grateful:
I have a new assignment to learn to love and connect with nature. I love nature from a distance but I do not appreciate the bugs and unseen critters. I am going to express gratitude for them, for all parts of nature and hope that as I do so I will learn to appreciate all parts of me.
Christmas season is filled with joy and beauty. I especially love the music of Christmas.
My family loves me and has planned a great family Christmas party full of service, fun, good food, music, gifts and love. Time with family is precious.
No matter where you find yourself this Christmas you can find JOY because Jesus Christ came to this earth for you!
