I got Feeln and watched a Christmas movie today.  Angels Sing. I loved it.  You just never know which one is going to really speak to you.  This one did me some good today.  I have come away feeling like I want to celebrate some good Christmas traditions. I too often complain about the lists of people I have to buy gifts for or the goodies I have to make and eat or the ridiculous amount of decorations or extras that some people do.  I want the focus to be all about Christ but I also feel tonight that he would want us to create some happy family and Christmas memories that we can remember and enjoy again in years to come.  This movie had death and hospitals and I had a different perspective.  I am glad to be alive but I am touched by the preciousness and fragility of life. It is to be treasured and enjoyed.  Each day is a gift. I am so grateful that my life is not full of too much stuff. Today when Simeon needed to make naan bread for a school project, we all made bread. When Isaac showed up with friends to work on math homework, we were just fine to hang out here and host friends.  When I had the opportunity to see Dane and his group perform at a ward Christmas party, my schedule was free.  I do love the spontaneity that is available when I don't over schedule and I am grateful for traditions that bring structure, anticipation, and the fun of the holidays.  This is our last week of school and we are all looking forward to lots of time to do and be and play and create those memories.

I have been fighting a lot of judgments and negative thoughts. I don't like them. They make me angry or sad.  They are robbing me of the simple joys and the ability to love people where they are. To trust my Father's plan and timing.  I am thinking it has a lot to do with perspective.  If I want things to change, I must change. I can choose the way I look at things.  I can choose not to complain. I can choose to point out the good.  I can apologize and try again. I can make this world a little better by being a little better.

what if

What if? is a big common question.  Recently my daughter was talking about  how she wishes she were really good at something, anything.  That she could have mastered some talent or ability.  All of us are not bad people but looking at our family, we are fairly ordinary, somewhat average. Can do lots of things good enough but nothing special. Willing to try lots of things but usually content to just experience it.

We live in a small town with a small high school.  One of the benefits has been being able to participate in pretty much anything that interests you.  We live in a large family where there were time constraints and money to consider so we did pick and choose where to be involved and how much. I never felt like we should give up many family things so that we could support one persons need to excel.  I almost feel guilty about that but I am in an attitude of gratitude and I can't help but be grateful for the way things are turning out.

So the question became "Where does our value lie?".  Is there more to us that we are not using? What if we had done more?  I believe that kindness and character matter.  I like to hope that this is were we have focused on developing our talents.  I would much rather have a good daughter who desires to serve the Lord and loves her family rather than a virtuoso. I see the great good that a son or daughter can give to their family when they are well rounded, humbly willing to learn new things without the joy stealer of comparison.  Yes, we want to do our best. Yes, we want to recognize and develop gifts and talents but who is to say which ones are the best or have the greatest value.

Only God can know what is best for each of us. We read in Alma 37 in the Book of Mormon

37 Counsel with the Lord in all thy doings, and he will direct thee for good; yea, when thou liest down at night lie down unto the Lord, that he may watch over you in your sleep; and when thou risest in the morning let thy heart be full of thanks unto God; and if ye do these things, ye shall be lifted up at the last day.

So really the only thing we need to get good at is our relationship with God. He can direct our path, our choices, and where we spend our time.  He needs some virtuosos and he needs some of us to be a bit more average.  I love Hymn 175  as it taught me that Heavenly Father let His son be somewhat average

3. When Jesus, the Anointed,

Descended from above

And gave himself a ransom

To win our souls with love--

With no apparent beauty,

That man should him desire--

He was the promised Savior,

To purify with fire.

It isn't always obvious what the Lord has planned for his son's and daughter's.  We may not see with our mortal eyes the great good we can accomplish or simply are because we are his.  I will counsel with the Lord. I will trust his way, his timetable and I will be glad in it.

I am having some wonderful experiences as I seek the good around me and then express gratitude. As I say "thank you" I am finding so much more joy in every circumstance and every person.  I am so blessed. I don't have a great talent to set me apart but I do have a life I find joy in and I am so very happy.

I recently enjoyed this article and video.  We truly can find joy in What Is. Truly the Lord will use us where we are and help us find joy in each moment and phase of our lives.

Grateful:

• I am seldom losing my balance. I am getting steadier
• My house is decorated for Christmas
• I have stopped gaining excess weight and am leveling off.
• I was able to lift my grandson
• My husband has integrity
• I get to have dinner with my sisters and their husbands tonight.

It isn't always obvious what the Lord has planned for

Thanksgiving 2016

 We started our celebrations playing basketball.  We may not be great but we have the numbers.  It was fun to watch.

 I have no idea why these pictures came turned.

 fair share of floor time 

 Pie Morning!  It is the other hoiday that shares with Thanksgiving.  Lauri hosted this year and it was all wonderful as usual.  We had several more pies show up.  Always something good for everyone and a few too many temptations.

 We enjoyed clay pigeon shooting with some squash shooting too.  I got to use the shot gun I got for my birthday.

 The Weissbergs supporting the fun and protecting Sweetie.

 We celebrated a little of Jared's birthday.  He got a fun book that we all enjoyed together. (This is a Serious Book, They loved it anhad a few giggles.)

 I sure love the moments I get to connect with the grandkids and hopefully build some memories.

 Dinner included BBQ turkey again this year.  Peter's and Dane's face seem to indicate they don't like it.  Actually they are just pests when it comes to pictures.  Posterity can just remember them this way.

 Like father like son.

 the numbness after dinner is all cleaned up

 And the fun continues with building blocks that work for all ages (I should say boys of all ages.).

Look! and I looked and beheld

I got to attend a special auxiliary training for teachers.  I have been a teacher. I have had callings that required a lot of teacher preparation and I have learned so much through the effort of trying to be a good teacher and having to rely on the Spirit to do the real teaching to me as well as to the students.  I love the new Teaching in the Savior's Way. I have seen beautiful things happen as teachers implement these concepts and ideas.

At the training by Devin Durrant we were asked to find a scripture that illustrates how the Savior teaches.  My thoughts went immediately to when the Spirit of the Lord came to Nephi in 1 Nephi 11 and asked him what his desires were.  As Nephi explained that he believed in his father's dream but wanted to understand it, the Spirit rejoiced and began to teach him.  The Spirit asked Nephi to look. Nephi's obedience was rewarded by being shown the answer and usually a little bit more.  Nephi then put in his own words what he understood and was invited to ask about the things he did not understand.  It is my understanding that this is how the Spirit teaches.  We express our desires through prayer. We are often asked to do something. We are taught line upon line with the opportunity to ask more questions which also opens up more understanding. The more we seek, the more we find.

As teachers, we can follow a similar path. We can create a safe environment where students feel a sense of wonder and then begin participating in the learning process by seeking for answers, asking questions, discovering for themselves the truths and sharing with one another.

I also realize as I attend these trainings and don't have the "traditional teacher" calling that I can still use these same truths in my Webelos den as I get to be the den leader and discover a lot of more practical truths with 10 year old boys.

unwrap the gifts

I love Meg Johnson.  She inspires me in new ways since my accident.  I know I haven't had near the same challenges but they are enough for me and I sometimes struggle.  I am amazed by her attitude and willingness to make the most of life, enjoy life.  In this recent article she said:

The Perfect Gift by Meg Johnson, LDS Living Nov/Dec 2016 p. 18

"After all, independence isn't the plan. It never was. We weren't sent to earth to see how much we can do all by ourselves but, rather, to see how well we can share the gifts we bring with us and how well we can unwrap the gifts we see in each other. And to see how much we can rely on God."

 One of the hardest things can be to have to ask for help or even accept the help that is offered.  We think we have to do it all ourselves. There is no weakness in receiving help.  In fact, there is actually a synergy of strength that happens when we gratefully give and accept help.  All are blessed. All are edified together. It is how we can "unwrap the gifts we see in each other". Sharing a moment brings friends closer, family closer, and even strangers become more real when we combine our efforts toward success.

Yesterday a friend saw me for the first time since the accident.  She expressed her gratitude that  I was doing so well.  She lifted me by saying that she was really grateful I still had my smile.  It is the same as always. I didn't realize my smile stood out on its own but apparently even a smile can brighten someones day. Her mentioning it did brighten my day. I am glad I can smile, laugh, see, talk, think. walk, function in so many ways.  I feel like this experience has given me a fresh look at all those things that I was taking for granted and now I am unwrapping them as if they are new gifts. Little comments like that remind me of the goodness of others as well as the miracles I have seen. It has been amazing to still meet people who are concerned and truly care about me and my progress. The world really is a small place full of really good people who love.

Grateful:

• If it weren't for those times when we have opposition we wouldn't realize there are miracles daily that guide and protect us that we just don't recognize because our angels are so good at what they do.
• Things I am still hoping for - bladder control improvement, food to taste good again, and that extra moon on my fingernails to grow all the way out.
• Snow today
• easy donuts made out of those biscuits in the refrigerator section.  I got to whip up donuts for my grandkids with little effort or mess.
• warm fires heating my home
• Ellen called and offered to get us a Christmas tree tag
• my car heater works and I have a new winter coat

thoughts on water

Water. It is part of the very first things of creation.  As I learn about creation and water I have been thinking about the importance of water.  A majority of the earth is water, most of our bodies they say is water. All living things depend on water. Water helps create the physical geography of the land.  Water is a great part of all life.

God separated the water from the land

Water is amazing and essential but too much is devastating.  Too much water causes destruction and even death. Though we all need water, we can't have water all the time - everywhere.  There needs to be a balance. There needs to be opposition in all things.

We all need living water.  The water that comes from Christ.  All good things come from Jesus.  He blesses us and created this world for us. He knew how much of the earth to make water and where we needed to live in order to excel, to progress.  I think it works with living water too.  He has so many blessings for us. He wants to bless us with all that we want but if he gave it all to us it would be like water without dry ground.  We need opposition.  Thank you to my friend Stephanie for pointing this out and causing me to ponder on it. We ask for blessings - good things, and wonder why God seems slow to answer but with blessings come challenges.  Maybe we just need a bit of time to prepare for the bounty or water so that we don't drown or get swept away.  If we got all the good stuff, all the blessings we seek at once it would not really bless our lives.  With the increase in good there is a needful increase in challenges. It all works as an opportunity to learn, to understand, to grow and be taught.  If we had all water and no land it just wouldn't work for us to progress, to live, to learn and grow.

All that Christ is - the living water, the bread of life, the light of the world - need to be things that come to us in moderation.  I always need my Savior and He is always there for me but the ebb and flow of blessings is also calculated to be the right portions for me to become more of what He needs me to be.  Even the sun as important as it is to every day leaves for the night but always returns to lend it's life giving light.

The elementary here does the Leader in Me program and uses the 7 Habits of Highly Effective Kids. They have a good program and are teaching some great skills.  The kids did a great job of emceeing and portraying the different habits.  Debbie's singing group got to perform and she did a great job.  She sure enjoys performing and being with her friends.

and for the rest of it, I want to blog again.  It is healing to me to put down in words my thoughts, hopes, questions.  I want understanding and peace.  Sometimes god answers our prayers through our exercising faith and doing things. I have found that often answers come as I write.  As I questions and wonder or even at times complain, the words often come around to a place where they are teaching me.  I love when the trials come full circle and I start to understand.

So I look fine. I have gained the weight I lost so quickly. My hair has grown back so that no one notices the large scars.  I am walking straighter. I can think. I can talk. I can read and enjoy doing so.  What I continue to struggle with is the physical. I feel weak.  I get worn out easily.  Yesterday I tried to mow the front lawn. I have a self-propelled push mower and it is normally easy to use.  Knowing that, I thought that I could handle the front lawn.  The leaves needed cleaning up.  I like mowing.  I had to empty the bag often. The up and down and lifting and pushing took its toll on me.  I got dizzy. I got wobbly.  I got emotional as I was unable to do a simple thing.  I worry that I will gain unwanted weight and I wanted the exercise.  I even worried about what passers by thought. Would they think I was faking my weakness because they had seen me out mowing the lawn?  Did anyone understand the effort and sacrifice? Did I want them to?  No.  I just want to feel good and be able to do things when they need to be done. It has been 2 months and I am really doing well.  I have been blessed to heal quickly and well.  Am I being ungrateful? Should I push more? Should I slow down and enjoy this down time as the gift it is?  People have been so patient and kind.  I would like to be kind with myself. I don't know what that looks like.  I still judge with the old eyes of the old me. Taking time to slow down and I think I am being lazy. I want to understand better what is right for me right now. I want to show my gratitude for the healing I have received by being a good steward and yet I am not sure what that looks like.

 There are a lot less leaves all over my front yard. Most of the leaves blow in from other yards so depending on the weather me may have to deal with it all again.

Maybe I need to go back to an old goal of mine that wants to get better at intuition.  I do want to be in tune with the promptings of the spirit.  I want to really do what is best right now and be grateful in the process. I had thought I might put Debbie in public school because of my healing time but she has been a huge help and comfort to me.  I pray that there are important lessons she is still learning in the process of helping me and being patient. She is also learning to govern her own time a bit better.  I would miss her so much if she were gone all day. I don't think we would be as close to one another.