Peace.  I continue to want to learn about peace but I also feel it is so far from me right now. So many things are in limbo. 
Peace is not limbo.
But in limbo I can find peace.
I have a new calling that is now official.  It happened in a unique way, in a unique time. 
On March 8 I was called into the bishop's office and given the calling of relief society president.  I am so grateful for his assurance that this calling came through prayer and inspiration.  That this is what the Lord wants for me and for our ward at this time.  I cried.  I hope someday there is a calling that I get excited about but my experience has been fear, overwhelm, questions, and doubts.  None of those things bring peace.  Peace is a place I have to come to.
That sacred morning my bishop left me with my husband in his office.  I got to have my fall apart moment, receive a blessing from Milt, and then dry my eyes and enter sacrament meeting. 
That was our last sacrament meeting as a ward. 
After 7 weeks of trying to prepare, learn, listen, submit counselors, seek peace, ask questions, cry a little more, plan family events during a time of quarantine and social isolation, navigate the media searching for truth and direction, finish a semester of school, celebrate my 55th birthday, start a new semester, and  then finally have the calling become official by way of an email sent out to the ward that I happen to have missed for the first 24 hours.
I crave peace.
I need peace.
I feel like this has all been an exercise in finding peace amidst the storms. Feeling peace in the upheaval. Seeing peace in the hope that comes through faith. Trusting that there is a plan and that someday I will understand. Believing that I am taking the next right step and that it will all work out.

I am finding peace
- in beautiful spring weather
- in plenty of good food
- in an app that reminds me twice a day to pause and give every thing and every one to Jesus
- in good people who believe I am capable of filling this calling
- in amazing women whom God has chosen to work with me as we serve the women and families of our ward
- in health, order, resources and even the handbook.
But it takes continual seeking to find, trusting and remembering in Jesus and his love for each of us.  As I rely on Him, He will not let me fail.

Easter 2020

I received this invitation Saturday evening.  When I suggested it, my family went into action and made beautiful happen!  It was so fun to bear testimony.

We gathered up our plastic eggs. We didn't have candy for the eggs and no plans for an Easter egg hunt.  We still had fun but writing notes for each egg (He is not here, He is risen, Jesus loves you...) and then hid them around the yards of our kids homes in town.  It was sneaky and fun.

Easter morning we were out the door in time to enjoy the sunrise. We went to Pioneer Heritage Park, enjoyed the view of the sun, temple, clouds, color and beauty. We sang songs, read John 20 and just enjoyed the quiet time here.

These two kiddos are such great sports. They are fun to be with and bring such joy to every day.  After we read about the resurrection, we had them race down to this spot for another picture.  The winner was these two that Jesus loves. 

Sweet rolls for breakfast. (no cinnamon)

We shared one Easter basket and also were surprised by an Easter lily from our neighbors.  It smells wonderful. It is my first ever and I like it.

Easter bunny offerings and an Easter lily with card from Arnoldsons

This is our second year of the tradition with a red egg.  It is dyed with yellow onion skins, turns this beautiful red and represents a story from when it was illegal to be a believer. The believers used a red egg to share their testimony that He is risen. The matriarch of the family shares their testimony and the egg is kept all year as a reminder of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. This year we read Grandma Marilyn Peterson's testimony. Sure wish we could have had her here too.

We enjoyed a meal of ham, potatoes, asparagus, jello, rolls and strawberry shortcake.  Since we all live and work together, it made sense to celebrate together. So very grateful for family both close by and those we get to talk to wherever they are.

It is also Maddie's third birthday. She is a sweetie.

Samuel, Natalie, Gideon, William

Natalie, Jared, William, Thomas

Simeon and Debbie

Corona Virus

It has been such a unique and interesting month of discomfort and adjustments.  It seemed to come on so suddenly--all these restrictions and closing down of so much of 'normal' life.  We watched as church was canceled, school, restaurants, all gathering places for sports or entertainment, temples, parks, public restrooms. Fear of even pumping gas. Rationing at the grocery stores. Limits to how many can come into the store, how close you can be. Plastic sheets installed between costumer and cashier.

Through it all we have stayed safe and sane.  I am so grateful that we have always kept a well stocked pantry. We are use to being home and spending time together.  School on line is not completely new.  We have been blessed with all the resources to have church at home.  We have family close by that we share games, movies, and conversation.  We have been able to reach out to friends and those we minister to in new ways.  We have felt the joy of uniting together as a global community to fight against the spread of COVID19.  We are united in fasting tomorrow that we may find relief, that the virus will be controlled, that those care taking will be protected, that our economy will recover, and that life will become normal again. 

People are scared,  worried, some sick, some dying, some paralyzed with all the what if's, or how will it ever be normal again questions.  I feel again the joy in having chosen the word PEACE for my focus this year.  I never dreamed that so much unrest could surround the whole world with a global pandemic.  I am happy to be able to see that I have found the source of peace. The Prince of Peace is available to all. As I look for peace, study peace, listen for peace, I am grateful to feel peace in the storm, to feel the calm in the midst, to feel the strength of God in all of this.  I know God lives. He is in his heaven and he is with me here. He is glorious.  I have no need to fear.

I heard from a dear friend in Switzerland that she has had the virus. Though she had a milder case, her husband was hospitalized for 17 days and reached critical condition before things finally turned.  I got to hear her sweet experience as she testified of the power of prayer and a loving Heavenly Father.  Faith and prayers of people from all walks of faith uniting together to ask for help and protection.  And He hears and answers our pleas.  

We are enjoying a campaign from the church #hearhim and amazing General Conference this last weekend where we received a Proclamation on the Restoration, were able to participate in a worldwide Hosanna shout, receive God's word through His servants, the prophets and many other inspired speakers with the peace that comes when we prepare questions and listen for the answers.  

I love my Savior Jesus Christ. I love being a member of His church.  I love my life, my family.  

women's conference

Being in the stake relief society presidency and the food person gives me the opportunity to do the food for our assignments.  I really wanted to share this opportunity. I know that everyone likes feeling needed, appreciated and to belong. I wanted to have a committee that would be able to work well together and might be an especially needed opportunity to be a part of something big.

I ended up with some of the very best women of our stake. They were willing, capable, organized and so very helpful.  So much so that I almost felt like I was holding them back.  I still need to figure out this leader business and how to share the role with a person I asked to be in charge.  Luckily that was my daughter and she is patient with me and so very capable.  (I don't know how I got to be gifted with confident, capable, willing children but they are so much more than I am. I feel so blessed)

Littles, again

I got a phone call that put me on a plane.  My daughter in Texas needed me.  After bravely surviving her husband's minor stroke, juggling girls, getting him home from the hospital, she still need support and help.  A stroke for a young 32 year old husband and father of 2 little girls can be a bit terrifying.  For B it resulted in some very real anxiety issues.  He ended up back in the hospital before I could even get there. My job was to watch my granddaughters, ease the household burdens and support where I could.

My sweet little girl left her husband in hospital, packed up her two little children and picked me up from the airport.  Come to find out she had a bit of stomach flu going on.  Part way home I took over driving and while stopped at a light, she was vomiting out the open door.  Boy did I feel needed and wanted :)

Brian came home from the hospital and they were so glad to have him there but he continued to struggle.  It is so hard to understand what someone else is going through.  We just wanted to help him get better but it required patience for all of us.  I think I was able to distract and entertain, cook and shop in ways that helped.  I was also able to keep up with my own school work and find a gathering to attend.

Valentine's Day was special as Emily did some sweet things like these hearts that listed things that she and Brian love about their girls.  She made sugar cookies with them, decorated their home, had a special dinner.  I loved being there for the fun times too.  I got to virtually celebrate Simeon's 16 birthday knowing that he had lots of friends and family at home celebrating with and watching over him.

We played at a really fun park once B was up to staying home alone and even got to go out for lunch.  All three of these girls loved being outside and enjoying a sunny day. We also got to inspect the progress on the home they are having built and looking forward to moving into next month.

This was my effort to do a selfie with E and E.  They are beautiful little girls and I was glad to get to know them and create some fun memories with them.  I was there from Tuesday until Sunday.  I was blessed with patience, wisdom and help beyond my own, and energy to keep up with all that was asked of me.  God is so good.  He blessed me in so many ways that made me equal to the challenge laid before me.

Emily and Brian were both a little nervous about being left without an extra adult to help out when times got hard.  I knew it was hard. I worried about them too. The decision to go home anyway was prayerfully made accompanied by tears, as well as faith that this cute little family was in the Lord's hands. God is faithful.

I got home in time for my previous engagement to watch Peter's three kids while he and Rachel got to go on a cruise.  The kids were at my house, parents had left but my family at home had made a delicious dinner and were just sitting down.  I got to spend the next 3 1/2 days as Granny to almost 1, almost 3 and almost 5 year old cuties.  Lucky for me Monday was a holiday and my teenagers helped out as I transitioned to my next granny opp.  

To keep things interesting

1. my refrigerator quit working. The part won't be here for at least a week.

2. faucet handle broke but Simeon fixed it

3. Milt left town for the week

4. the printer quit working as I try to get on top of school work and household paperwork.

5. computer started acting up

6. toilet has been leaking for a week

7. my patience continued

8. Q takes two 2-hour naps daily

9. bed time is 7:30

10. these kids are helpful, obedient, and cheerful

11. I got to read to them, color, learn about loaders, track hoes, and Tractor Ted, watch Lion King, take care of their dog and hear them pray.  

12. help with potty training while M lets me know that I should have a stool and she doesn't like my toilet seat and she will only use the 'girls' bathroom.

13. Forgot to take pictures.

I didn't know I could do it all. I now know that I didn't do it alone.  I had heavenly help.  God raised me up to meet the challenges and showed me that I could do and be more than I thought I could.

I took these three up to their other grandma's house and now its is up to me to get back to temple days, homework, being lead student tomorrow, rs presidency responsibilities, bringing order to my home and hopefully making some better food choices and replenishing the energy reserves that served me so very well.  I feel grateful and blessed for the support of my family and their help too.  My husband carried so much of the responsibilities at home when I made a sudden week long trip to Texas.  He is such a support to me and to our family. I love Milt. I love God. I love my family. I love my life. I love the atonement of Jesus Christ that enables me to do and be more of what He would have me be.

PEACE that passes understanding. Understanding that brings peace.

Peace, peace be still

Peace.

My word for the year.  I want peace in my life, my thoughts, my relationships, my world.  It is an amazing gift available to all of us.  As I focus on peace, I want to understand what peace looks like. How can I welcome peace into my life? How can I be a peacemaker?

I want peace that brings understanding and understanding that brings peace.  I am excited to learn, discover and share as I welcome peace into my every day.

I will be studying and watching for peace everywhere.

Today I felt peace in the Holy temple.  The blessings and promises that are shared in the initiatory are very comforting to me as I am concerned about Brian and Emily. He had a minor stroke and is in the hospital.  I find peace as I petition Heavenly Father for his protection, comfort and healing power. Peace in knowing that these two kids of mine love one another, they love God, they keep their covenants and as such there are promises that speak of health and protection that took new meaning as I participated in sacred ordinances and realized the many ways these blessings apply to this very concern to be able to bear burdens, have body parts function properly and be protected from the adversary.  Peace in that there are people in their ward that are reaching out and helping care for their two little girls and easing the burden of hospital and the unknown.  I am so grateful for good people who sacrifice for one another, help each other where they can and simply share God's love and faith that God is in the details. He is faithful.

any value in staying home?

I made applesauce today.  You make it out of apples, cut up, blend, cook in bottles that seal and then you have applesauce ready when you want it.  It’s not even hard but does take a little time.

Why would you care about applesauce? Because for me it is a symbol of a stay at home wife and mother. A symbol that says I take care of my own by giving of myself, my love, and my knowledge to add value to my family and our experience together.  I don’t even like applesauce. But I love my family. They like applesauce. I make applesauce and I get to see them smile.It’s worth it.

I am currently enrolled in BYUI Pathways Worldwide.  I am in my second semester, fourth week. I am taking The Eternal Family for my institute class and Professional Skills.  I am having a hard time understanding how they go together.  We are learning about the doctrine of the family and studying The Family, A Proclamation to the World where we read about marriage, gender, divine roles and responsibilities. These are things I have believed wholeheartedly and have given my life to living and teaching these simple principles. I have experienced the joy of sacrificing for my family and I have been greatly blessed when I prioritize my role as wife and mother. I have felt the support of my husband as he sacrifices by providing for our family and supporting the efforts we both make to create opportunities and experiences to help our children, as well as each other, to grow and develop. We have acted in faith that as we each fulfill our individual roles to our best ability, things will work out.  And they always do.

Now I am taking a class on Professional skills where I feel like my time and sacrifice for my family have been a waste of time. Thirty five years of being a homemaker and raising up a righteous family do not count.

We had a sister speak at stake conference who had just finished the Pathways program. She loved it, learned so much, could help her son do his math.  She talked about how it saved her because after all those years of raising children, her brain had gone to mush. Now she was learning and doing things.  It turned me off right from the start.  I joined Pathways despite the feelings I had after hearing her, not because of them.  I felt inspired to trust this program and continue to learn.  The difference being that I never felt like I had stopped learning.  This was to be another path to more knowledge and understanding.  

I appreciate the experience. I am learning new things and things I knew before. My frustration comes in the little pricks that tell me I am not enough. I don’t have experience. I don’t have marketable skills, I don’t have things to put on a resume.  When I plug in the numbers for their charts to see the benefits of getting a degree, I get a negative answer because I have not worked, do not earn money and want to retire in 5 years when my youngest graduates from high school. And for me retiring means I just won’t have children at home.  I might be free to go on missions with my husband but I imagine there is still much to do running a household and family.  

I am tired of so much of the focus being on improving income. Yes we need to provide for our families but getting an education is so much more than just that to me.  It is a sense of wonder, accomplishment, understanding, discovering connections and conclusions.  It is a depth of meaning to this great world and the people in it.  It is how to improve communication, relationships, add value to the world and improve my life experiences and hopefully those around me too.

I don’t believe that in our modern world we do not need women in the home.  Being at home is not a forever vacation.  I take it very seriously.  I get up and dress for the day. I have regular responsibilities and projects. I create an atmosphere of love order, routine, fun, belonging, and safety where all are welcome and we all progress together. I volunteer with my church, community, at the temple, as a ministering sister, as a mother, grandmother.  I feed my family real food made with real ingredients that nourishes and strengthens not only the body but also the mind and the soul. We live on a budget. We learn to have fun at home. We don’t require expensive vacations.We learn to work for the things we want and for each other. I am an example of active living, hard working, nature appreciating, continual learning and discovery. We need women who know how to be a homemaker, to love being a homemaker and to continue to appreciate the amazing things that can happen when women give their best to this sacred and divine calling of wife and mother.

If the goal in earning a degree is so that we can get a job, who is going to do the full time job I have been doing for 35 years? Who is going to take care of my family? My home? Who will have time to help the neighbor? Greet the grandkids after school? Work in the temple? Take a meal to the mom who just experienced a miscarriage and the dear friend who just lost her mother? Who is going to be the virtuous woman? A degree can help us do those things better but not if its purpose is to take us away from home.

I am concerned about the example we are setting for these next generations.  So many feel the need to have two incomes.  They feel the need to limit the size of their family so they can get on to more important things that “make a difference in the world” (career).  I wish we had more women who love being feminine, claiming the power that comes from our strengths, our life view, our ability to love and serve.  I wish we had more men and women who honor and cherish the roles of men and women as complementary and good. In fact, God given. 

Let’s remember who and whose we are. Let’s remember why we are here and what is really important in the eternal plan of our loving Heavenly Father.  Let’s take the time to ask him what is needful, what he would have us do.

Who is going to raise the children in a family? Do we want or need the government or large companies to take over feeding our children, providing daycare, after school programs? Who will have time to coach the soccer teams? Who will be available to supervise when the neighborhood kids want to get together or even help them learn to make friends and play fair. Who can young moms, moms of teenagers, moms planning and preparing for sending missionaries or planning weddings, or dealing with disappointments turn to to discuss, feel heard and maybe get insights about life’s challenges?

I wish there were some way to calculate the value of a woman at home.  Child care, meal prep, laundry, housekeeping, decoration, nursing, tutoring, repairs, health instruction, sex education, financial planning, work ethiic, gospel education, taxiing, interest surveys and talent support, sports and physical fitness, healthy homemade meals without preservatives and other unknowns.  What is the cost to the children when there is no mom in the home.  Even my adult children continue to receive strength, comfort and help because I am at home and available.  They are also respectful of my interests and schedule but I have the freedom to be flexible because I am a woman in the home.

I am supported by a husband that values all that I do for our home and family. He sees the fruit of investing in home and family, sacrificing the accolades of the world to bring goodness to our home, family and community.  Investing in education that betters who I am without counting the monetary increase that might be realized. I am grateful for our ‘old-fashion’ values that are actually timeless truths that bless family living. After all, educating a woman educates the whole family IF the woman is there to be with the family and it is never a waste of education to devote your best to your family.