receiving

Friday my schedule changed, immediately.  Tall One came upstairs unable to walk on his leg.  It had been a month since his surgery, the incision had been slow to heal and had taken a turn for the worse, much worse.  His knee was swollen, warm, painful, and he was starting a fever.  We made a trip to the city to have it checked and ended up in surgery at Primary Children's hospital.  It turns out he had a staff infection.  They washed it out and are now treating it with big gun antibiotics.  We almost had to stay there for 3-4 weeks of treatment but feel very blessed to have been allowed to come home and take care of him here.

He looked disappointed.  I cried.  He was the strong one.  He told me it was okay to cry.  This was not good news.  He stayed strong.  I had to let some people know so I could take care of things at home.  Each time someone allowed me to feel their love, I cried.  He so wants to be healthy and well.  It seems like it all keeps dragging on with hopes of almost being well becoming squashed again.  I see so many people with more severe challenges and I think I 'm a wimp, a complainer, weak.  I cry.  People bring me dinner and I know we would be  okay without help but love comes with the offers and I have an embarrassed gratitude.

I wonder how it works.  How do we  learn from each other?  How do we develop the closeness that allows us to truly carry one another's burdens?  How do we let down the walls that protect us and our imagined self reliance and find that in exposing the weakness we become stronger?  I'm trying to understand how sometimes when we share those most embarrassing times that we feel so much closer to those we shared with.

I often feel alone as I become self absorbed in my own life.  I forget about reaching out to others and then I feel lonely.  It is a silly cycle.  I can feel the sincerity and I can feel the effort as we sometimes awkwardly reach out to each other.  Basically when our intent is good the love comes through and we feel closer to one another - the loving and the loved.

Thank you for those that reach out.  Thank you to those who accept and love.  Thank you for those who are practicing the Divine Gift of Gratitude that helps us see clearer through the selfish fog, or the  pity fog, or the lonely fog.  I'm grateful for the every day, simple days.  It isn't until things get wild that I remember the simpler joys of an "everyday" day.  It is through the harder days that I realize no matter how hard things seem at the moment I am able to see the gifts of my loving Heavenly Father encircling me with angels both seen and unseen and tender mercies, happy coincidences, honored blessings and priesthood power.  Life is good.  The view keeps changing but really it is getting brighter and more beautiful